Page 16 of The Spy Who Ghosted Me

Sabrina

DESPITE THE EXHAUSTION OF BEING awake for almost twenty-four hours straight, I found myself doing the last thing I expected to do today—walking around the lake with Cash. I’d dreamed of this moment more than I cared to admit, but not like this. Not when I didn’t particularly care for him. I told myself I was only doing it because I needed help uncovering anything that could shine a light on Soren and his character. My search hadn’t gotten me far. The Wi-Fi kept going out, and my laptop kept restarting, preventing me from really digging in. It was as bizarre as the rest of my day had been. But the truth was, more than anything, I wanted to know where Cash had been the last three years and why he’d left me. And not the line he’d tried to feed me earlier about him being scared that we were moving too fast. That’s not the man I knew in Bordeaux—that man had been all in. Or had I read him all wrong?

I plunged my hands into the cozy depths of my jacket pockets, taking advantage of the warmth they provided in the cool air. My gaze fixed on the crescent-shaped moon casting a glow upon the tranquil lake. The moon’s reflection danced on the delicate ripples, making the water shimmer. The gentle lapping of the water provided the perfect music combined with the rustle of the trees and the crunch of the pebbles beneath our shoes on the rocky path. It made me realize how much I missed this place, despite the craziness that was my family. I still couldn’t believe Nana had groped Cash and, from the sounds of it, was planning on doing it again.

“So why did you really leave and cut me out of your life?” I punctured the serenity of the moment, knowing I had to get the truth. For three years, I’d wondered.

Cash let out a heavy sigh. “Have you ever had a moment when you see what your life could be, and it’s so different from anything you’ve ever known that you just panic?”

My first thought was no, I’d never experienced that, but then I remembered how I felt when the opportunity in Park City had presented itself. An old family friend wanted to sell her catering business, and she approached Mia and me about buying it. It seemed crazy to leave Tennessee, and all I knew, especially when Mia and I had plans to start something in Nashville, where we were living and working at the time for the most sought-after caterer in the state. While it presented a great opportunity and something I had always dreamed of, the thought of relocating to a place I had never even visited, so far away from home, filled me with panic. It also made Mama a little ballistic. She couldn’t believe I would leave her like that. But it had nothing to do with her—I just needed to spread my wings and see if I could fly, as scary as it was. And I had flown. Sure, Mia and I had our fair share of crashes over the years, but we were making it work.

“I felt like that once, but I didn’t change my phone number and forget everyone I cared about,” I snipped.

Cash tugged on my sleeve. “Sabrina, I never forgot about you.”

“You could have fooled me.”

“I know,” he breathed out. “You don’t know how awful I feel about it. Like I said, I panicked. I told you how I grew up going from foster home to foster home.”

I recalled when he’d told me about his terrible upbringing. My heart had broken for him. But I was so amazed at what he’d made of his life, despite the challenges. It had made me want to get to know him even more, and eventually it had made me love him all the more.

“I’ve never experienced real family life,” he continued. “I wasn’t even sure I wanted to be in a family until ...” He paused. “I met you.”

I stopped and held my breath, ticked off at myself that he could reel me in like this. It didn’t mean he was changing my mind about him, but darn it if I hadn’t wanted to hear those words for three years.

Cash stopped as well and caught my gaze, his blue eyes capturing me and holding me steady. “But I realized I have zero clue about how to be a husband or father. I don’t even know where I’d begin. So, when my company said they needed me in Singapore, I took the coward’s way out. I was so ashamed, knowing I was purposely hurting you, that I changed my number and got the hell out of Dodge.”

I stood there staring blankly at him, not knowing what to say. Don’t get me wrong: I wasn’t happy about it, nor did it make me feel any better. Except for maybe feeling relieved, knowing I’d dodged a bullet. I didn’t want a coward in my life. What would have happened had he let our relationship progress? Would he have left me at the altar or when I was in the hospital having our first child? But ... I had one question for him. “So why come here now?”

His strong, broad shoulders lifted and fell. “Because of you. I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I thought maybe if I came here, I’d feel closer to you. And here you are.” He swallowed hard, as if he were working up the courage to say something else. “And being with you again makes me think the biggest mistake I ever made was walking away from you.”

Oh. It was a gigantic something else. Those words went straight to my heart and sent the zingiest of zings through me. But I still had a brain, and it was telling me there was more to the story. Despite Nana’s and my entire family’s enchantment with him, or the fire he’d lit inside me, I couldn’t overcome this nagging feeling that Cash was hiding something. Or that a radioactive spider had truly bitten him. There were too many coincidences for them to be coincidences. Not to say that part of me didn’t want to believe that Cash and I could make a go of it again. There was something about him that called to my very being. And when a guy like him says things to you like the things he said to me, it’s tempting. So freaking tempting.

“That’s a really nice story,” was all I could think to say. Other than, Oh gosh, I missed you so much, kiss me now.

Cash hung his head. “I figured you’d say something like that.”

“What do you want me to say?”

“Honestly, I don’t know.”

“Well, I’m glad we cleared that up.” I continued walking. The breeze picked up a little, rustling my hair and sending a chill through me. Or maybe the chill came from knowing I might have missed out on the love of my life, even if he was radioactive. It was depressing and I kind of hated Cash for it. Okay, I totally hated him for it.

Cash shoved his hands in his pockets and easily kept pace with me. He was a good six inches taller and had longer legs than me.

Irritated by the thought he could just leave like that, knowing he’d had deep feelings for me too, I blurted, “Did it ever occur to you to just talk to me instead of running away?”

“No,” he said so bluntly, it caught me off guard.

“Seriously?”

“I told you, I’m not good at relationships. All I know is work. That’s what I’m good at.”

“You’re such a liar.” I picked up the pace.

“I’m not lying,” he barked.

“So, you’re saying everything we shared in Bordeaux was a lie?”

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