Page 17 of The Proximity Factor

“Well, his music sure says he does. Regardless, don’t give him another thought. It’s not like you like him, anyway. Right?”

I had to think about it for a second. “Um ... right.”

“Wait . . . you like him?”

“No. No. Of course I don’t.” But that was my problem. I came into this expecting to like my roommate and for that person to like me. And honestly, when I saw Parker with his friends and how cute he was with kids, or heard how he took care of his sister, I knew I could easily like him. I believed I could even find myself attracted to him. You know, if he ever gave me the time of day and it wasn’t a ridiculous thought. No older men for me ever again.

“Okay, good. Keep it that way.”

“I plan to. Definitely. Absolutely no way. Like a zero percent chance,” I rambled.

“I think I get it,” Val snickered.

I’m glad she got it. My only prayer was that I did too. “Well, I need to go. I have to do my dumb video diary for the week.” I couldn’t tell her or anyone what the questions were all about. The university even forbade me from discussing them with Parker. Which wasn’t ever going to be an issue, seeing as we didn’t speak to each other. I had to wonder if we were getting the same questionnaires. What did he say about me?

“Hang in there. Call me if you need anything. You know I’ll be there in two seconds if you ask.”

“I know. Love you, friend.”

“Right back at ya.”

I hung up and tossed my phone on the bed, wondering how this had become my life. Mama always told me it’s never wise to expect a certain outcome. It’s better to prepare for what’s meant to be, she would say. I wasn’t sure what that was anymore, but I guess that was Mama’s point. If only I knew how to prepare. Like should I invest in a spinster starter pack with a cute pink house and as many throw pillows as I want? One thing I knew for sure was I could never have prepared myself for Greg’s one-eighty—or for Parker.

I grabbed my laptop from the nightstand so I could log into the university portal. I was really hoping I would have worked Parker out of my system this past week by ignoring him. Unfortunately, I seemed to think about him even more. I kept picturing his engagement and wedding photos and those adoring looks he was capable of. Not to mention how happy he could be. Something inside of me I couldn’t control wanted to know that man, even if just for a few minutes. And dang it, I was a nice girl. Why didn’t he at least want to talk to me? So, I guess it was a pride thing too. I just needed to get over it. Pride, after all, was the downfall of humankind, according to Mama and the Bible. I couldn’t let it be mine. Besides, I had bigger issues to worry about. Like an ex-boyfriend who had lost his ever-loving mind.

Without further ado, I logged into my portal and downloaded a fresh batch of hellish questions. With them came a reminder. Please be sure you are answering each question fully and honestly.

Uh, okay. I thought I was. Well, maybe I held some thoughts back, but I never lied. Maybe Parker wasn’t being truthful. Was he lying about me? Ugh. Dumb man. I bet he was.

I settled against my pillows, not caring how it made me look on-screen before I pressed record and read aloud, “Question one: Did you spend more or less time with Parker this week than the previous week?” Oh, great, same questions, but they just changed up the wording. “Less.”

“Question two: If there was a change in the amount of time, either more or less, please tell us why. Oh, I’ll tell you why. It’s because I gave up. He obviously wants nothing to do with me, so I’ve given him his wish. Worst roommate ever, by the way. And that’s saying something, considering I lived in the same sorority house as Cindy Walsh. One time I caught her biting off her toenails with her teeth.” I shuddered just thinking about it. “Yeah, you heard me right. With her teeth.”

“Question three: What barriers, if any, exist in getting to know Parker better?” Were they for real? “Haven’t you watched any of my other video diaries? Um, hello. It’s Parker. He’s the barrier. I’ve tried to be nice, even though he’s given me no reason to be.”

Moving on. “Question four: How do you think Parker perceives you?” I spat out a laugh. “I’m sure he sees me as some dumb blonde cheerleader who only reads Cosmo. Well, I’ll have him know that Southern Living is my preferred magazine, and I read every book Reese Witherspoon recommends, thank you very much.”

“Okay, question five: Any gestures by Parker in the past week that have been meaningful to you?” I was about to say no, but then I remembered. “Well, ever since I had a little breakdown in front of him and his friends on Thursday night, which I’m totally embarrassed about, he’s kept the toilet seat down. He’s a real gentleman.” I rolled my eyes.

I was still cringing about my brief outburst on Thursday. It’s just that Greg’s judgment and rejection had come crashing right back into my soul. I was sure Parker saw me the same way, and I let my emotions and mouth get the better of me. At least I wasn’t falling into the toilet anymore.

“Question six: Name three things you need in a relationship, whether it be platonic or romantic. Does Parker fill any of these requirements?” Oh geez. How did I pick only three things? Also, why did these researchers care so much? Honestly, I had answered a lot of questions like this one when I applied to be part of this experiment. “Well, I guess my top three things would be honesty, mutual respect, and good communication. And Parker doesn’t fill any of these requirements for me unless you count him honestly being a jerk.”

“Question seven: Have any of the following types of intimacy occurred: emotional, mental, spiritual, physical (this includes nonsexual acts)? Y’all, I can’t believe how hung up you are on this question. Please, just stop it already. The answer is always going to be no.” Sheesh!

“Question eight: How would you rate your experience so far? I’m sure this won’t come as a shock, but it’s awful, and unless some miracle happens, that’s never going to change.”

“YOU SOUND TIRED,” DAPHNE COMMENTED during our phone call on Saturday night, our weekly check-in.

“I am.” I took off my glasses, set them on my desk, and rubbed my eyes. It was late, and I was avoiding my weekly video diary. I was in no mood for asinine questions or reliving this week’s events. Besides, my work had me buried. It seemed for every bug I fixed, two more appeared. And admittedly, I didn’t want to think about what a jerk I’d been during the past week. Lanie’s tears weighed on me. I should have tried to comfort her. It wouldn’t have required me touching her. But I had a feeling I wouldn’t have been able to resist if she broke down in front of me. I couldn’t risk it.

“Maybe if you got more than a few hours of sleep every night,” Daphne reprimanded me.

I laughed a tired laugh. “Too much work to do.”

“Parker, you can’t keep living life like this.”

I let out a long sigh. There was no end in sight to burning both ends of the candle. I needed this win.

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