Page 30 of Forgettable in Every Way

She sighed. “Jules, I don’t know how to say this to you, because I know you won’t believe it, but I get the feeling Simon might be interested in being more than your friend.”

I laughed a sardonic laugh, albeit quietly, so as not to disturb my dad. “You’re right, I don’t believe that. Besides, I thought a lot about what you said last night, and I think it’s best if I go home and find me again. Forget Simon if I can.” I wasn’t sure that last part was possible, but I had to try. “Of course, I’ll come back for your bridal shower and the wedding. I just don’t want to be invisible anymore, or worse, beg people to see me. I need to figure out how to fix that.” In good conscience, I would make sure my dad would receive the care he needed before I left, even if that meant having an in-home nurse brought in. But I wasn’t going to pack my parents’ house or pretend anymore like it didn’t hurt when they loved me less because I wasn’t as accomplished as my sisters.

“As much as I’ll miss you, I applaud your take-charge attitude. There’s one minor hitch in your plan. Simon came here last night looking for you. He says he botched things up in New York with you.”

My heart skipped a few beats, but then I remembered this was just the universe testing me again. I was determined to pass. “He was talking about our friendship.”

“Maybe.” Calista didn’t sound convinced.

“Then why didn’t he come to my dad’s room last night? How did he even know I was still here?”

“That’s the thing. He didn’t know where you were. He went searching for you because he was worried about you. But I didn’t think he was deserving enough to know where you were, so I sent him packing. The disappointment on his face brought me such joy.” She wagged her brows.

I loved her boldness. Maybe some of it would rub off on me. Well, unless I wanted to give a man who didn’t love me a photo album telling him how much I loved him—in that case I prayed I wouldn’t be bold at all. “I’m sure he wasn’t all that disappointed.”

“Believe me, he was more disappointed than Tristan was when I told him we were banning all of Simon’s books.”

“Uh-huh.” I didn’t buy it.

Calista held up her hand in a solemn oath manner. “I speak the truth. I thought he was going to cry.” She flashed me an impish grin.

I rolled my eyes. “Now I know you’re not telling the truth.”

She squeezed my hand she was holding. “Listen, my dear friend, you are worth a man crying over you. And I know what a man full of regret looks like.”

“He told me he regrets letting our friendship go. But he did me a favor. I didn’t want a front-row seat to his marriage. And I don’t need to see him move on with someone else now.”

“What if he wants to move on with you?” she hesitated to ask.

“That’s not going to happen. I can’t afford to think like that. Simon isn’t magically going to see me in a different light after all this time.”

“But what about your souls being made of the same thing and ‘So This Is Love’ playing in your head? What if he does see you this time?”

“All he sees is a friend, and I’m training my brain to play ‘I Hate Myself for Loving You’ if ever I see him again.”

Calista snort laughed. “Good luck with that. Also, I remember someone once telling me she would hate to know I hated myself. That feeling is mutual.” She nudged me.

I playfully nudged her back. “I think I remember that. But I can’t keep doing this. I’m going to find myself without Simon this time and fall in love with myself instead. Maybe that doesn’t sound right, but you know what I mean.”

“I know what you mean. And I’m here for it. For you. Just ...” She paused. “Just promise me that on your way to find yourself, you won’t close doors that need to stay open.”

“What doors?”

She nibbled nervously on her bottom lip. “Doors to your heart.”

I rubbed my chest. “I have to slam Simon’s door shut.”

Calista nodded. “Okay. Just prepare yourself. Those doors never seem to close all the way. Sometimes there’s a reason for the little beam of light that creeps in. It can help guide you to where you’re supposed to be.”

“I appreciate the warning, but I think it’s safe to say I’m not meant to be with Simon. It doesn’t matter how right it feels when I’m with him,” my voice cracked. “He’s never going to see me the same way as I see him.”

She gave my hand a good squeeze. “Then he’s a real idiot.”

“Actually, he’s a really great guy. On my twenty-second birthday, when I thought no one remembered, he surprised me and took me to a restaurant I’m sure he couldn’t afford for afternoon tea. Then we stopped at a street vendor, and he bought us matching friendship bracelets,” I groaned and leaned into Calista, mortified. “I was so stupid to give him that photo album. I was obviously in the friend zone. The dumbest part is, I’ve kept that stone bead bracelet all these years.”

Calista leaned her head on mine. “It’s not dumb. I lugged around the skis Tristan gave me for years while I lived in Arizona. Now that’s dumb.” She laughed. “Love makes you do weird things. Don’t let that embarrass you. It’s a very human thing to do.”

“I am very human, then.”

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