Page 95 of Cross the Line

Devastation is written in Antonio’s expression. Alec drops his gaze to the floor, knowing he won’t be able to finish if he keeps looking at him. “That’s why Riley and I got close so fast, I know you were jealous and confused. I should’ve told you instead of letting you think I was replacing you, but I couldn’t say it out loud, and I’m so fucking sorry.” He barely pauses for a breath before he’s going again, unable to stop now that he’s started. “Also, I got shit-faced at a club last night, which for the record I’m never doing again, and Theo took me home. We slept in the same bed and then he was going to fuck me, but I came before we could. Then Jason suddenly knocked on the door so I had to sneak out and I lost my phone, which is why I didn’t call you guys and?—”

Before he can get the rest of his word vomit out, Antonio slams into him with such force he stumbles into Riley, ending up crushed between his best friends.

“I love you, you fucking idiot.” Antonio squeezes him tighter, holding on like he might never let go.

“I’m sorry,” Alec chokes.

“You don’t need to apologize to me,” Antonio says. “Not for anything, you hear me? Except maybe for the going MIA thing. Try not to do that again. I was worried as fuck, and Riley was ready to organize his frat brothers in a search party.”

“Only half of them,” Riley says, officially joining in the group hug. “Also, I can still kill Theo if you want.”

“I don’t want you to kill him,” Alec grumbles, the deep pressure of being wedged between his best friends soothing the fight or flight part of his brain that’s screaming at him to do something stupid or reckless to try and regulate. They know, he realizes. They know him and they know his quirks and they’re supporting him the only way they know how. He’s so fucking grateful for them.

Neither of them let go of Alec for a long time, but when they do finally break from the hug, neither of them mention Alec’s tears as he scrubs them away with the palms of his hands.

“So the sweater,” Antonio prompts, tugging on the front of it with a shit-eating grin. “This like a virginity souvenir?”

“Fuck you.”

Riley snorts. “Pretty sure you did the fucking last night.”

“Fuck you, too,” Alec laughs, grinning. “And I’m still a virgin. I think? I dunno.”

“What do you mean you don’t know? Come on, tell us the details. I can’t believe after all this time Theo actually returns your feelings. I know I told you he didn’t and you needed to let it go, but even I can admit when I’m wrong,” Antonio says, and he looks so happy for Alec that it’s suddenly hard to breathe.

The mood crash is swift and painful. Turns out not only can he not hold his liquor, but he can’t hold his emotions in either as he blinks away tears he refuses to shed. Not again. Fucking hangover tears.

“He doesn’t.”

“I’m sorry, what?” Antonio’s head tilts like a confused spaniel.

Riley frowns. “Alec.”

“It’s fine,” Alec says, instinctively taking a step away from them both and wrapping his arms around his middle. “He’s a good guy. You guys don’t know him like I do. He doesn’t…he doesn’t know I have feelings still or he would’ve never offered.”

“Offered what, exactly?” Even as Antonio asks the question his face falls. For all Alec tries to keep his own expression neutral, he must not do a very good job. “Oh, Alec, no.”

“It’s fine,” Alec insists, even though it’s so clearly not. “I can do no strings attached sex.”

Riley shakes his head. “No, you can’t.”

“Fuck you,” Alec croaks, embarrassed at how pathetic and small his voice sounds.

“So what, he was drunk too and you guys fooled around?” The accusation in Antonio’s tone is too much. He knows they’re gonna hate Theo after this and he can’t stand that.

“Theo wasn’t drunk.” Alec frowns. “He was just…helping me out.”

“Helping you out with what, breaking your own heart?” Riley’s tone is sharp, and Alec can’t even blame the judgment or concern. They’ve both bore witness to the pain that Alec’s inability to get over Theo has caused.

“It was my choice. I knew going into it that he didn’t have feelings for me, but I still went ahead with it because—” Because he knew it was as close as he would ever get to having Theo. Something he is not going to say out loud. “Look, I can handle this just fine.”

Alec stands up taller, the line of his back painfully straight as he waits for their reaction. They’re going to be angry, probably not at Alec but at Theo. They’re going to judge, which Alec would do if he were them, but he’s not sure he can handle their disapproval right now. The worst part of all is that they’re going to demand answers Alec can’t offer, because he doesn’t understand why he can’t get over Theo any more than they can. He doesn’t know why he keeps putting himself directly in positions where he gets hurt, over and over like an idiot.

Holding his breath he waits, unsure what kind of silent conversation Riley and Antonio are trying to have.

“Did you eat?” Riley asks after an extended silence.

“What?” Alec blinks, sure he’s misheard.

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