Page 8 of Cross the Line

“You coming, Theo?”

Theo breathes deeply, eyes stuck on the empty folding table where ten minutes prior Alec’s presence had dominated. Now it’s dulled into something that makes Theo’s stomach twist uncomfortably, and he has no idea what that means.

“Coming.”

CHAPTER 3

Alec

Alec leans his head against the seat, careful to keep his eyes on the changing landscape outside the car. Looking at Theo right now would be difficult. While Alec has had countless years to master the art of disguising his facial expressions around Theo, he apparently lost them all in one night.

Seeing Theo pull up to the curb at the airport had been one of the best and worst birthday surprises of his life. An afternoon with Theo was everything that Alec never dared to let himself hope for. He’d done his best not to make it weird, sure that Theo was just doing Jason a favor, except Theo hadn’t acted put out or bored. He’d indulged Alec’s tendency to ramble from one inane topic to another without warning, and even laughed a few times when Alec was being goofy to try and make him smile. The best or worst part depending on how you looked at it, was the way Theo kept looking at Alec all like he was seeing Alec for the first time.

The attention had gone to Alec’s head and rendered him completely fucking stupid. That was the only explanation for Alec acting like such a fool, and trying to get Theo to hang out with him even longer. Hell, Alec didn’t even like cake that much. It was alright, and if offered he’d take a slice, but he’d always preferred ice cream even on his birthday, so why he blurted out that he wanted a birthday cake was beyond him. Well, that’s not entirely true. Alec knows why he said it. He said it because he’s a pathetic idiot who’s had feelings for his big brother's best friend for nearly a decade.

He’s not a kid anymore, he’s a man, thank you very much. Not that any of his brothers seem to recognize that. They all still treat him like he's sixteen and can’t take care of himself. Then there is Theo who treats him, well, like an acquaintance. Not that Alec can blame him. It’s all his fault, and Alec’s been living with the consequences of making the worst decision of his life when he was fifteen.

He’d gone and told Theo how he felt.

Of course Theo hadn’t been cruel about it. That wasn’t Theo’s way. He’d been nice, so fucking nice, that Alec almost wished he had been mean. It might have made it simpler to get over him. Instead he’d been sweet and thoughtful and let Alec down easy, while also putting enough distance between them that Alec knew without a shred of doubt that nothing was ever going to happen. Even if Alec can look back and know it was the right choice, that it would’ve been wrong on so many levels for Theo to be with him, it still hurt Alec’s pride and broke his baby gay heart.

A heartache he thought he was over until Theo drove back into Alec’s life in his goddamn plain brown Subaru, in his stupid sweater that made him look gentle and sweet. For a birthday gift, he’d ruined Alec’s entire goddamn life by reminding Alec that Theodore James was the first man Alec had ever loved, and all these years later, he was still not over him. Not at all. Not even a little bit.

“Everything ok?” Theo asks.

It’s the first thing he’s said to Alec in the twenty-five minutes since they left the food truck, and the words are the emotional equivalent of someone dumping a bucket of ice water over his head. Alec’s been too quiet, stuck in his head. It’s not often he goes radio silent, but when there’s no outlet for his energy or racing thoughts, they all turn inward and his usual happy-go-lucky thoughts spiral into darker places. Places he doesn’t like to show anyone.

“I’m good, just tired,” Alec lies, plastering on a smile as he stretches his legs out until his socked toes are pressed against the windshield. He can see Theo grip the steering wheel a little tighter, obviously worried about Alec’s unsafe seating position, and Alec smiles wider.

They say toddlers can’t tell the difference between positive or negative attention when they want it and that’s why they act out. Alec’s not a toddler and he works really hard to show people he’s mature, but he’s also not above resorting to stupid shit when he needs a distraction or more attention. In this case, he’d prefer a little less attention from Theo since having it directed towards him without Jason as a buffer has ripped the bandaid off the wound he thought had healed.

The best he can do is draw attention to himself on purpose. If there’s one thing Alec’s learned, it's that sometimes the more people look at you, the less they see.

“Did you know it’s almost impossible for most people to lick their own elbow?”

“What?”

“It’s almost impossible for most people to lick their own elbow,” Alec repeats.

“Not that kind of ‘what’, I heard you just fine. I just wasn’t sure where that random bit of information came from.”

“This baby holds the secrets of the universe,” Alec says, tapping his head. “Anyways, back to what we were saying about elbow licking.”

“I feel like saying we is an exaggeration.” Theo snorts.

There’s the faintest hint of a smile playing at the corner of his mouth and Alec’s previous tension melts away. This is exactly what he wanted: Theo happy and laughing at Alec, not paying attention to his slip-up in moods.

According to Antonio, Alec is a grade-A attention whore, which isn’t untrue. Not that Alec ever asked his opinion, but they both had a tendency to run their mouths while also speaking before thinking, which is probably why they get along so well. Alec liked to blame his ADHD, but since Antonio didn’t have that, it was possible that it was just Alec’s personality.

Much as he tried to deny it, he really does like attention, and a hell of a lot of it, too. He learned at an early age the easiest way to get that was by making people happy. It was a bonus that as he’d gotten older he genuinely loved making the people he cared about laugh and smile, but it didn’t change the fact that deep down, Alec desperately wants to be seen.

Maybe it was being a Leo, or maybe it was having three successful, attractive and substantially older brothers that had left him feeling like he was chasing their shadows his entire life. He loved his brothers and he knew they loved him, but the difference in their ages left Alec living life ten steps behind. Whatever he did, they’d already done.

Realizing he’s going down one of his brain spirals, he does his best to recover.

“Well, I was talking about elbow licking and you joined the conversation. Therefore, it is definitely we now,” Alec says, hoping he didn’t have enough lag in answering to rouse Theo’s suspicions further.

For good measure he winks at Theo, the last knot of tension in his chest loosening when Theo shakes his head and laughs. In that one little act, the world rights itself. Time has changed a lot, but not everything. He can still make Theo smile.

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