Page 54 of Cross the Line

“So there’s someone, and you haven’t fucked them.”

“Yup.”

“And you haven’t fucked them because?”

Because they’re hung up on someone else. Because I missed my chance. Because they’re your baby brother.

“Lots of reasons,” Theo sighs, tracing the rim of his beer. “They deserve more than a once and done fuck.” The words are too close to the truth but they slip out before Theo can censor them.

“You like them.” Jason slaps his thigh. “Holy shit, Theo! You’ve got feelings. I never thought I’d see the day.”

“I don’t know if I’d go that far,” Theo hedges, trying to walk things back. It’s no use, though. Jason knows him too well.

“There’s no shame in having feelings, dude. Own it.”

“I don’t want feelings,” Theo whispers, voice tinged with the painful edge of truth.

Jason is quiet for long seconds, sipping at his beer. “You know it’s okay to let people in, right?”

“I let people in,” Theo mumbles.

“You let me in. You don't let other people in, you never have. If you were happy with that, if it was all you wanted, I wouldn’t say a damn thing. But?—”

“But?”

“But I wonder sometimes if you’re happy.”

“I’m happy,” Theo insists. He likes his house and his job, mostly. He likes Jason and his routines. He’s happy. He is. But if that were the truth, then why does it feel so much like a lie?

“I can’t believe my baby boy has feelings.” Jason’s tone is playful, his smile wide as he reaches for a second slice of pizza. That’s the thing about Jason, he’s always there, always steady but he never pushes too far. Not like Alec, who calls Theo on his shit, who makes space for himself without letting Theo make excuses.

“Shut up,” Theo grumbles, knocking against Jason.

Jason is undeterred, throwing his right arm around Theo’s shoulder and clanking their beers together. “To Theo’s first crush. When can I meet them?”

Meet them.

Theo’s gonna puke. He didn’t think this through, didn’t plan ahead.

“She doesn’t live here.”

The lie is out before he even thinks about it and he hates himself, but not as much as he would hate himself if Jason knew the truth. His sole consolation is the knowledge that the lies are to protect their friendship.

“Alright, alright. I’ll give you some time to see what happens, but if things get serious, you’ve got to promise me I can meet her first. Make sure she’s good enough for you.”

“I promise,” Theo whispers. This is an easy promise, because things won’t get serious.

Jason grabs another slice of pizza, passing it to Theo. He’s just taken a huge bite when Jason speaks, causing him to nearly choke.

“I’ll talk to Alec.”

“Why?” Theo asks around a mouthful.

“About that cat. I’m sure you didn’t want it. I mean it’s cute, I’ll give you that but—” Jason watches Rio, who is rolling around on the ground on the other side of the room playing with one of the little cat toys Alec picked out. “He’s persistent and you’re not very good at telling people no. I’m sure you didn’t want to upset him, but he can’t just foist a kitten on you.”

“He didn’t,” Theo says.

“I know Alec. He’s a persistent shit.”

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