Page 48 of Cross the Line

“Of course you do,” Riley says. “Predictable fucker. Blue, blue, blue. Always blue.”

He isn’t wrong. Alec’s favorite color has been blue since he was seven. What no one knows is that it’s because of Theo. At the time Alec didn't fully understand what it meant to be gay, but when he looked at Theo’s eyes, so bright and kind and as deep blue as the sea, he began to prefer it to all others.

“Are we gonna have a sleepover now too? Do each other’s hair?”

“If you’re angling to stay the night here and avoid your siblings, the answer is yes,” Alec tells Riley, earning him a whoop.

Riley and Antonio set off on a tangent about needing to go back to Target to get candy for their sleepover and Alec breathes a little easier. He loves his friends and he loves Theo. It’s not the same, but he can totally do this. He can have another friend and not make it weird. He knows he can. He just needs to give himself a little buffer to get his head on straight.

Alec makes it four days before he ends up on Theo’s front porch unannounced. He could’ve called or texted first, but that would’ve involved planning and Alec is more of a ‘just run into things without thinking’ kind of guy. Especially since any prior notice would have also involved the opportunity for Theo to say no, and Alec’s tolerance for rejection is at zero.

The coach has been running them ragged for preseason training, Hunter and Logan are up half the night playing video games since classes don’t officially start until Monday, and his insomnia is at an all-time high. Maybe, probably, he should talk to someone about it, but just because he has problems sleeping doesn’t mean he needs to tell anyone. He’s showing up for practice, pulling his weight, and yeah, he’s probably gonna snap once a full class schedule is added on top of that along with their games, but Alec’s good under pressure.

Or he used to be. This year is different, or maybe Alec is different. Ever since he got back from Mexico, it’s like something in his brain won’t switch back. He used to be able to hyperfocus on soccer and not give a shit when his teammates talked about hooking up. He could focus on the game and not care that it took every ounce of energy he possessed to play at his level, leaving him with nothing for himself. He used to be able to pretend this life was everything he wanted.

Pretending is getting harder and harder.

“Alec?”

Theo’s standing in the doorway, looking confused and cozy. He’s got another sweater on, but this is clearly a house-only sweater, misshapen and worn thin. There's a hole at his collar and at the elbow, but the yarn looks as soft and comfortable as the brown pajama pants he’s got on.

“Why are you in pajamas?”

“Uh, because it’s eight-thirty.”

“Eight isn’t late,” Alec says.

“I’m an old man, Alec.” Theo pushes his hair out of his eyes, the corners of his eyes crinkling in amusement. He’s so stupidly handsome when he’s happy. Well, he’s always handsome, but there’s something about the way his strong, masculine features soften when he’s relaxed and happy that does things to Alec.

“I forgot. You got your AARP membership and telenovelas on standby? Should I get you a hot water bottle?”

“I don’t watch telenovelas. That’s you.” Theo arches an eyebrow knowingly, and yeah, maybe he’d walked in on Alec crying over them once when he was eleven, the year Theo lived with them. In Alec’s defense, he’d had a really long day at school only to come home and find out his favorite character had died. Granted she’d come back a few weeks later with amnesia, but baby Alec hadn’t known how it would turn out. Where his brothers would’ve teased him mercilessly, Theo had brought him a folded napkin with two Oreos and ruffled his hair before closing the door.

“Look, abuelita turned me on to them and there’s nothing better after a long day like someone else’s drama.” Alec moves under Theo’s arm, halfway inside when he asks, “Mind if I come in?”

“You know you’re always welcome here.”

It’s clear Theo wasn’t expecting company. There’s Chinese takeaway containers on his coffee table, the lights are dimmed, and the coffee table is littered with cups—a coffee mug, a Hydroflask with fading National Parks stickers and a mostly empty boba. The television is paused on a nature documentary and there’s a blanket draped over the couch, tousled haphazardly like he threw it off his lap. All of it screams “Theo” in the most familiar way possible.

“Do you mean that?” Alec asks. “Sometimes you say shit just to be nice. You can hurt my feelings if it's not true.”

“I don’t wanna hurt your feelings, Alec.”

Alec shrugs. “I’d rather have hurt feelings than be lied to.”

“I’m not lying, I?—”

Rio chooses this exact moment to make herself known, meowing loudly for attention.

“She was sleeping. She must have Alec radar.”

“To be fair, my presence is pretty exciting. Isn’t it, baby girl?” He squats down, picking her up. Impossibly, she seems bigger than a few days ago and Alec vows to come over more. For Rio. That’s all. No other reason. “Look at you, little angel. Did you miss me?”

“Angel.” Theo snorts. “A menace is what she is. She’s hyperactive, cries for attention constantly, acts like I starve her to death if I go one minute past mealtime, and is clingy as all get out. She even tries to sit in my pants when I’m in the bathroom. She’s a total pain in the ass.”

The words make Alec’s chest tighten unexpectedly. He’d meant everything he said about the placement being temporary. Cats weren’t for everyone. He’d really hoped Theo would warm up to her, though. So far no one else he knew was looking for a kitten and he hated the idea of dropping her at an already overcrowded shelter.

“I’ll look harder for a new placement.”

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