Page 31 of Cross the Line

Alec’s eyes snap up. “What?”

“I’ll keep her,” Theo repeats, with far more confidence than he feels.

“You’ve never had any pets.”

“There’s a first time for everything,” Theo smiles, unsure why he feels so desperate to wipe away the uncertainty on Alec’s face.

“Are you sure?” He glances between the kitten and Theo, his internal debate obvious. “I don’t want you to keep her just because you feel sorry for me or something. I don’t need your pity and a pet is a big deal.”

Leave it to Alec to not only parse what’s going on in his head, but to call Theo on it. Being called on shit is horrible, but the worst part is how much Theo doesn’t actually hate it when it comes from Alec’s mouth. The sad truth is he’s done a lot of things he didn’t want to do in order to help people out or keep the peace. Shit, he played football for so long he even got scouted, and he never even enjoyed playing that much. Theo has always found it easier to not rock the boat, but that’s not Alec’s way and it’s clear he’s not going to let Theo do it now.

“It’s not just pity,” Theo hedges, unable to explain the entirety of it.

Theo never planned on having a cat. In fact, he’s never even given much thought to having a pet period, but when he looks at the helpless kitten in Alec’s arms, he finds himself unable to think about it logically. His house is plenty big, he’s got no social life to speak of, and he can afford to take care of it. If he also knows it’ll make Alec happy while also giving him an excuse to spend time with him again, well, that’s something he doesn’t want to think too hard about.

Most of the time Theo’s an over-thinker, not a doer, but for once in his life he wants to act first and deal with the consequences later. This alone should terrify him, but he can’t stop looking at the hint of a smile on Alec’s face long enough to care.

“I want to do this,” Theo assures him even if he can’t explain why.

When Theo makes a decision it’s usually preceded by weeks or months of research, carefully thought out pros and cons lists, and the conviction that whatever choice he makes is the one with the least amount of risks. This thing with Alec and the kitten is anything but. It’s rash and impulsive, the risks high and unknown, which should be making Theo spiral. He has no idea why he isn’t freaking out. Maybe it's the way the kitten clearly favors Alec, so far showing no interest in Theo, or maybe it’s how attached Alec clearly already is, or maybe it’s the fact that Theo knows what it’s like to be unwanted and abandoned. Whatever it is, his next words are anything but considered.

“You can come visit her,” Theo continues, unsure if he’s been taken over by aliens. He’s never this rash. “Whenever you want.”

Alec smiles so big he winces, but even the pain from his split lip can’t wipe the joy off his face as he leans forward, depositing the kitten into Theo’s lap.

“If you’re going to be her new daddy, you should probably hold her.”

The implications of that sentence break through Theo’s wall of cognitive dissonance. Some of his panic must show on his face because Alec reaches to stroke her back, drawing his hand across her fur before letting it rest on Theo’s forearm.

“She won’t bite,” Alec tells him. “Well, actually she might since she’s scared, but she’ll learn to trust you. And you won’t have to do this alone. I’ll help.”

The knot of anxiety around Theo’s chest loosens. Alec will help. He isn’t doing this alone.

“She can smell fear,” Alec teases, grabbing Theo’s hand and laying it on her back. She meows and Theo’s chest does something funny once he realizes exactly what it means to have a pet. He is going to be responsible for keeping something else alive. Even the plants in his house are fake so he doesn’t risk killing them and he pays a guy to come mow and landscape his backyard once a month to ensure nothing dies. Even though he has no plans to move, he doesn’t want to depreciate his property value. Theo always thinks ten steps ahead. Except, apparently, when Alec or kittens are involved.

“You know this could be a temporary thing, a foster situation.”

“Huh?” Theo looks up, embarrassed at the way his anxiety made him zone out.

“A foster situation,” Alec explains. “You look like you’re going to crawl out of your skin, and the thing is, that’s okay.”

“I’m not sure how that’s okay,” Theo mumbles.

“Because pets are a really big deal and you shouldn’t commit to one unless you’re certain. If you’re not, that's nothing to be ashamed about.”

“I do want to help.”

“I know you do,” Alec says, his smile softening. Somehow this is more affecting than his happiness. The look in his eyes says he understands Theo’s panic, even if Theo isn’t verbalizing it, and that level of awareness is something he wasn’t expecting from Alec. Fun, carefree, silly. Those are words Theo would’ve used to describe Alec a week ago. Now added to the list of adjectives that describe him are things like kind and perceptive. Words that lodge themselves in Theo’s throat and upend Theo’s understanding of the other man in frankly unsettling ways.

“However,” Alec continues. “Wanting to help and having good intentions doesn’t mean keeping her will be the best thing for either of you. How about if we do a trial run? I can reach out to some people I know, see if anyone is interested. In the meantime you can give her a home, on a trial basis. If it doesn’t work out, we can find her the right home.”

“Temporary,” Theo repeats, watching the kitten try and unstick her paws from his sweater.

“Yeah, temporary.”

An out. Alec is giving him an out and Theo is embarrassed at how fast he takes it.

“Alright.”

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