Page 113 of Cross the Line

The twins go in first and Jason’s halfway through the door when he turns to face Theo. “Aren’t you coming?”

“I think he needs his brothers more than anything right now.” Theo shoves his hands into his pockets, his heart aching with how desperately he wants to run into that room and hold Alec. “Just make sure he’s okay, yeah? I’ll be here when he’s ready, and if he doesn’t want to see me today, then I’ll be here tomorrow and the next day and the one after that. Just…let him know that, will you? Let him know that I’m not going anywhere, unless he asks me to.”

Jason nods, reaching out to give Theo’s shoulder one final squeeze before he turns back into Alec’s room. Theo waits until the door shuts behind him to press his back to the wall, sliding to the floor and pulling his knees to his chest. He hates hospitals, hates the smells and the white everywhere. He hates the lingering threat of loss that haunts the corners. No matter how many times he tells himself that good things happen in hospitals too, all he sees when he looks around is a painful reminder of just how close they all came to losing Alec.

Forcing himself to take a few steadying breaths, he drops his forehead on his knees and waits. After thirty minutes, he starts tracking the seconds on the clock on the wall, wondering if Alec will even want to see him. He wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t, but he selfishly hopes Alec’s track record for forgiving Theo’s idiocy will continue. Even if it does, this probably won’t be the last time he screws up, but he promises himself that he will try. Theo promises himself that if Alec forgives him that he’s going to work on his shit. He’s going to get some therapy, and he’s going to figure out how to stop being so goddamn afraid of good things happening in his life. For himself, for Alec, and for the future he’s never going to have with anyone if he doesn’t stop hiding. Most of all, he is going to make sure he’s the man Alec seems to think he is.

The minutes tick by as a warning announcement sounds over the PA system, letting them know visiting hours are ending soon. Every moment that ticks by after brings more anxiety. He’s not sure what he will do if Jason comes out and says Alec never wants to see him again. He’s pretty sure that won’t happen, or maybe that’s wishful thinking. All he knows is that by the time the door to Alec’s room opens, he’s thought of every worst case scenario.

Each of them fill his mind as the twins and Jason file out, looking shaky.

“How is he?” Theo asks, rising so fast his head spins.

“He’s…struggling,” Jason says. “He’s in a lot of pain.”

“The accident was bad.”

“It’s not just the accident,” Jason says softly. “I think…he’s been unhappy for a long time, and none of us could see it.”

Charlie makes a choked-off sob, turning to all but run down the hallway. Andrew doesn’t even spare them a second look before he chases after him, leaving Theo and Jason alone.

“He said a lot of stuff that I think he’s been holding in. It’s not my place to tell you, but maybe he will.”

“He wants to see me?” Theo asks, chills springing up on his arms.

“Yeah, he does. You’ve only got about ten minutes until visiting hours are over, but he kicked us out when he realized you were in the hallway. Just be gentle with him. Promise me.”

“I promise.”

“I’ll wait in the car.”

“Thank you, Jason.”

With that Jason heads off down the hallway, the slump of his shoulders feeling like a warning for what’s to come. Even after trying to steel himself, nothing prepares Theo for stepping into that room and seeing Alec in his hospital bed. His curls are flattened and frizzy, sticking up on one side. Wires and tubes snake around him, disappearing under his gown and into his skin. His leg is in a cast up to his mid-thigh and there are bandages wrapped around various parts of his body. The most jarring of all are the bruises that cover his abdomen and shoulders, his lightly tanned skin discolored from the damage, to the point he’s barely recognizable. Even his face is bruised, making him look one second away from breaking.

Theo’s approach is slow and measured to give Alec time to prepare, but he keeps his eyes shut, his breathing slow and labored. He’d known from the surgeon’s report that things were rough, but hearing it and seeing it are wildly different. Looking at Alec in that bed, his vibrancy is gone, and Theo can understand exactly what made Charlie run from the room and puke earlier. Bile rises in his stomach at the sight of Alec so battered and bruised, knowing how much pain he must be in and what a long road to recovery awaits.

It’s only when Theo lowers himself into the chair at Alec’s bedside that he turns his head, his eyes cracking open. Theo braces himself for the yelling or anger, ill-prepared for Alec’s beautiful, broken face to light up with a smile.

“You came.”

CHAPTER 21

Alec

“I’ll always come.”

The words are a balm to Alec’s aching heart. Everything hurts, from his head to his toes and every inch between. All of his broken bones and bruises have splintered him into some kind of mosaic of a man, leaving him unsure what scraps got left behind.

Nothing about his life is going to be the same ever again. He can’t go back to school, not yet, and fuck knows if he will ever play soccer again. He sure as shit won’t be playing for his team, which means his scholarship will be gone. All the pieces that make him who he is have been shattered, and he doesn’t know which pieces to pick back up.

Through all the pain and uncertainty, the one thing that had hurt the most was how he’d left things with Theo. Maybe the broken ribs and shattered knee should’ve been his focus, but Alec grew up playing sports at a level most people never reached. He was no stranger to his body aching, and maybe this was different, okay, a lot different, but physical pain he could handle. His broken heart was something else, and all the sharp edges and hollow pieces that had been jumbling inside his chest since last night slotted back together with Theo at his bedside.

“I’m sorry,” Alec whispers, licking his lips. His mouth is so dry, but every time he sips water he feels like throwing up.

“You have nothing to apologize for,” Theo says, voice hushed. “I’m the one who needs to apologize. I freaked out and I shut down and that’s no excuse, but you need to know it wasn’t because I didn’t want you. Even when I pushed you away, you came back. I promised not to hurt you, but I did. Again. I let you leave because I was a coward and I’m sorry.”

Hearing him apologize is almost more than Alec can handle. When he left last night, he’d been terrified he might not be able to have any more moments with Theo, and now he’s saying the kinds of things that have Alec’s heart lighting up with hope. It’s the kind of hope that fills his chest and makes it hard to breathe. Or maybe that’s the broken ribs, it’s impossible to tell. His meds are definitely wearing off, the sharp edge of pain damn near nauseating, but he doesn’t want to buzz the nurse for more because they make him feel dopey and drugged out. He wants to be present for this moment. He wants to remember every second of Theo coming for him, of choosing him, even if it hurts.

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