Page 105 of Cross the Line

“Alright, you twisted my arm. I’ll let you fuck me again, but give me thirty minutes to recoup.”

“Alec.”

“Fine, fine. Ten minutes, but you got any Coke? I’m really fucking thirsty.”

“There’s Coke in my fridge, but Alec, we need to talk.”

We need to talk. The four worst words in the English language.

“No, thank you.”

Theo huffs out a half-laugh, but he doesn’t smile and that twists something painful in Alec.

“If you regret this, don’t tell me,” Alec blurts.

“I don’t regret it, but?—”

“But,” Alec parrots with a groan. He hates that fucking word.

“I’m sorry, Alexander.”

“Don’t call me that if you’re going to—” but Alec can’t finish, can’t bring himself to voice his biggest fear. Don’t call me that if you’re going to push me away again, he thinks, biting the inside of his cheek so hard it bleeds.

Theo scrubs a hand over his face and sighs. “Look, I know.”

“You know what?” Alec asks sharply. His heart is rattling in his chest, a weird burning in his eyes. Everything was so good and now it feels like he’s losing control. Alec has no goddamn idea what's happening.

“I heard you and Charlie.”

The ground beneath Alec seems to sway. If he didn’t know better, he’d swear there was an earthquake, but the only thing breaking right now is what remains of Alec’s heart.

“No.”

“It was that morning after your birthday party,” Theo says.

“You were asleep,” Alec protests, terrified of what exactly Theo heard.

“I wasn’t. I was uh…fuck, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have listened, but I did and I know, alright? I know you’re in love with someone else and that’s alright. This was just sex, but I also know you and?—”

Theo continues talking, but Alec’s ears are ringing and it’s hard to breathe. Theo heard him. Theo thinks he’s in love with someone else. His feet are moving without his permission as he crawls off the bed, unsure why he has the urge to back himself into a corner. Rio meows in confusion, following Alec and standing at his feet.

“It wasn’t just sex,” Alec croaks.

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m not upset.” Theo’s expression is kind, gentle almost, as if he thinks Alec needs handling. “You know me, sex is sex and that’s all this was, but?—”

“No,” Alec grits out, unable to stomach what Theo is saying.

The idea that Alec loves someone else, that he could when Theo exists, is laughable. It’s also the out Alec needs to ensure Theo doesn’t push him away again. It should be the perfect opportunity, but Alec can’t stomach the prospect of living yet another lie.

Everything about his life has become a deception, and the walls are closing in around him. He lies about wanting to play professional soccer. He lies about loving school. He lies about not loving Theo. It’s all too much and Alec can’t do it anymore.

He can’t do it.

“I love you!” Alec yells.

All the color drains out of Theo’s face and suddenly, Alec is fifteen again. He can feel the weight of Theo’s gaze back then, the way his kind smile had turned shocked and horrified. He can still feel the sand beneath his toes, smell the way Theo’s cologne had mixed with the salt air. One of the best days of Alec’s teenage life had turned into the worst, because he’d thought it was imperative he let Theo know how he felt, but that confession had ruined everything. Now he’s done it again. The difference is he can’t even blame teenage hormones or youthful ignorance on things falling apart now.

“Charlie said you needed to get over some guy.”

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