“You with me, Alec?”
“Mhmm,” Alec nods, not trusting himself to speak without word vomiting something awful and embarrassing, like ‘I didn’t know it could feel so good’ or ‘I’ve never felt so close to anyone’ or ‘my brain won’t shut up even though you’re literally inside of me’ or worst of all, ‘it’s always been you’.
Good as it feels, it’s all so goddamn much but somehow not enough. Alec’s body buzzes. The arousal is there, but it’s hazy like the gloom that clouds the sky every June. There’s goddamn June gloom in Alec’s heart.
“Alexander.”
Hearing his full name snaps Alec out of his mental storm. Fuck, he likes when Theo says his name. He never lets anyone else get away with it. He’s made everyone call him Alec for a long time, but Theo’s given graces other people aren’t.
“Should I stop?”
Alec clenches his jaw so tightly his teeth grind. He doesn’t want Theo to stop, but he doesn’t know how to quiet his brain, either. He’s supposed to be enjoying sex. The man of his goddamn dreams is fucking him and it feels so good, but Alec can’t shut it off because he needs—oh, he knows what he needs.
“Please don’t stop,” he begs, reaching for Theo’s hand.
Something dangerously close to embarrassment swirls in his gut, but he tries to remember Theo’s earlier words. Nothing about what you like or need is weird, Alexander. That’s what Theo said. He swore it was true and Alec hopes to god it is, heart in his throat as he pulls Theo’s fingers into his mouth and sucks.
“That’s what you needed? You wanted to be full everywhere?”
Unable to speak, he settles for humming loudly. It must be the answer Theo wants, because his lips curl up in a private smile that goes straight to Alec’s cock. Theo is so beautiful. His blond hair hangs over his forehead, his eyes bright and his cheeks flushed.
“Look at you.” Theo croons and fuck, he is looking. His eyes are on Alec, soulful and blue and looking only at him. After a lifetime of wanting and wishing and hoping, Alec finally has all of Theo’s attention and it’s overwhelming as absolute fuck. He squirms, unable to handle the red-hot, fierce pleasure that coils in his gut. He wants this more than he’s ever wanted anything in his entire life.
“I’m going to start moving again. Is that okay?”
Alec gives a small nod, sucking harder so that the tip of Theo’s middle and pointer fingers hit the back of his throat at the same time Theo bottoms out and fucks into Alec so deep he damn near sees stars. Pleasure replaces the burn, and every thrust is pure bliss.
Some part of Alec had always wondered if sex would feel this good. Then again, it’s not just the sex, it’s the man inside of him, the man with his fingers shoved down Alec’s throat giving him every single thing he’s ever wanted. There is no doubt in Alec’s mind, this is ruining him for anyone else. There’s not a chance that Alec is ever going to be able to let anyone else see him this vulnerable and exposed.
It was always Theo and it’s always going to be Theo and while that hurts, it feels good too. There’s a certainty in knowing whatever happens later, Alec got this one moment.
“You look so hot.”
Eyes fluttering shut, Alec focuses on the rich timbre of Theo’s deep voice and the pretty words he affords Alec.
It’s no secret that Alec has always loved compliments, but they hit deeper from Theo. Between the cock in his ass, the fingers in his mouth, and the sweet words from Theo, it’s a miracle Alec hasn’t shot his load already. Maybe he can thank his ADHD brain for being too scattered to let him come prematurely, but now that his brain finally has what it needs—something filling both of his holes—he’s dangerously close to coming. Pleasure makes his legs tingle and he arches his hips, trying to get Theo in deeper.
Taking the hint, Theo braces his hand beside Alec’s head before pulling his hips back and snapping them forward, thrusting so hard and deep Alec swears he feels his cock in his goddamn throat. He’s fingered himself before, enough to have been utterly sure he would like being fucked within an inch of his life, but he’d never had anything as big as Theo. His cock stretches Alec’s rim with every thrust, the pleasure making Alec’s eyes water.
Everything about Theo is steady and solid, his voice low as he continues to lavish Alec in the kind of praise that is going to fuel Alec’s wet dreams for the next decade. “You look so good under me,” Theo murmurs, “like you were born to be full.”
Alec moans loudly at the continued praise. Though the urge to keep his eyes closed is there, he forces them open, needing to watch Theo fuck him, wanting to study his face as he murmurs all the words Alec’s always dreamed of hearing from him.
“You like that, Alexander? Like knowing how hot it makes me to see my cock inside of you? You like knowing how hot it makes me to watch you moan around my fingers like you can’t get enough of me?”
The whine that falls out of Alec’s mouth is loud and needy and he can’t even care, because never in a million years did he dream it would be like this. Not only is Theo fucking him, he’s praising him, acting like Alec being wanton and desperate for fucking and sucking turns him on.
Theo’s fingers move a little deeper, the weight on Alec’s tongue increasing as Theo starts to fuck his fingers into Alec’s mouth while his cock fucks Alec’s ass and that’s it. Alec is fucking done for. His brain quiets as white hot pleasure takes over and Alec arches off the bed, coming in hot, thick spurts between their bodies.
“Shit, Alec.”
Slowly Theo’s thrusts stop, hips stilling but Alec shakes his head, making eye contact with Theo as he gasps around Theo’s fingers. Whatever it is Theo’s looking for he must find, because he starts to move again in shallow thrusts that have Alec’s toes curling. His body is so oversensitive the pleasure verges on pain in the best way possible.
“Beautiful,” Theo whispers, hips shuddering as he comes with a quiet grunt and eyes squeezed shut.
Alec stills but his chest heaves while he watches Theo attempt to steady his breathing. His fingers are still in Alec’s mouth and though he’s no longer sucking on them, he enjoys the weight of them filling him up. When Theo’s eyes open and he pulls his fingers out, it takes all of Alec’s self-control not to whimper. That restraint fails when Theo holds the base of his dick to keep the condom on and pulls out, leaving Alec painfully empty everywhere. Alec lets out a pitiful sound.
“Shit, did I hurt you?” Remorse is written on Theo’s every feature.