Page 83 of Cross the Line

Never one to be rushed, Theo scratches his nails down the back of Alec’s head before letting his palm rest at the back of Alec’s neck in a soothing touch, almost as if he can sense Alec ready to jump out of his own skin.

Any hopes he had of playing it off are long gone. There is nothing cool or collected about Alec. He’s a bundle of nerves and desires all honed in on Theo and his gloriously large hands and sweet mouth. When Theo’s other hand skims down Alec’s back to rest at the base of his spine, Alec damn near scoots all the way off the counter while tightening his legs around Theo’s waist.

“I think—” Theo tries.

“Less thinking, more kissing,” Alec demands, slamming his lips against Theo’s. Every atom of his body and brain is screaming to touch Theo, to take as much as he’s allowed. He wants to memorize every inch of Theo, because soon this is going to be taken away. All he’s going to be left with is the phantom of Theo’s touch and the memory of how he tastes.

“Come on.” Alec wraps his arms around Theo’s neck and shimmies himself off the kitchen island. Alec has never been a man with much patience, but he doesn’t have an ounce of it right now. Thankfully Alec doesn’t have to beg too much. Theo’s hands move down to Alec’s ass to hold him steady, his thick, warm fingers on his bare ass.

Being drunk might’ve been one of the stupidest things Alec ever did, but deciding to sleep pantless was one of his best because it means when Theo adjusts his grip, two of his fingers slip in between Alec’s ass cheeks and no one, no one, has ever touched him there.

“Please.”

Theo’s grip tightens. “Please what, Alexander?”

“You’re really gonna make me say it?” Alec whines.

“I want to hear you tell me what you want, what you’re ready for. This isn’t going to be an accident or something that happened because you got swept away. I don’t want it to be something you’ll regret later. If this is going to happen, then it’s going to be your choice.”

There isn’t a single thing Alec could regret with Theo and he tangles his right hand in Theo’s hair to remind himself this is real. This isn’t a dream and Theo isn’t going anywhere. Even knowing that, his next words come out sharp, revealing the edge of defensiveness he’s had to build around himself to survive hyper-masculine sports culture as a gay guy who doesn’t like casual sex.

“You want me to tell you I’ve never done anything even close to this? That the most I’ve ever done is some making out and a few one-sided blow jobs in high school, because a guy blowing half the varsity team was only gay to them if they reciprocated? That I stopped doing anything at all because I got tired of being used? That I gave up wanting anything because wanting to be kissed and touched meant guys called me a tease every time and I had boundaries? You want to know that I got tired of guys saying they were cool with me not wanting sex, only to get mad at me when they got hard from kissing and I wasn’t comfortable with more? You want to know that I got tired of being too much and not enough for everyone, so I stopped doing anything?”

“Alec.”

Now that he’s started he can’t stop.

“You wanna know how the only people in my life I trust to touch me besides my family, are my two best friends because I know they’re not gonna call me names for how much I like to be held? They would never…they wouldn’t push me.” It’s clear Theo wants to interrupt, wants to ask who has tried to push, but Alec is grateful he doesn’t, because that's not a story he wants to relive. Not right now.

“I never wanted sex with some random guy or with someone I didn’t trust.” Alec loosens his grip on Theo’s hair to smooth it back as his voice drops, the fight gone. Theo is still here. He hasn’t pushed him away. Maybe it’s okay to be honest. Or as honest as Alec can be right now. “Do you wanna know that no one else has ever had their hand where yours is right now? That I’ve had a few shitty handjobs and that’s it. No one else has ever had their mouth on me, has ever been inside of me. But you…you could. I’d let you.”

“What do you want?” Theo asks, nudging his nose against Alec’s cheek before kissing the corner of his mouth.

Alec groans. “I just told you.”

“You told me a lot, and I appreciate you trusting me. You told me what you haven’t done, but I still don’t know what you’re ready for right now.”

“Sex,” Alec blurts, pretty sure that was obvious.

“I did pick up on that.” Theo grins, the sweet timbre of his voice going straight to Alec’s cock. There’s something different about Theo right now. He’s a little more confident than Alec is used to and boy, does he like it. Not that blushing, awkward Theo isn’t great, because he is, but steady and calm Theo is amazing. Especially since Alec kind of feels like crawling out of his skin.

“Oh good, I was ready to spell it out for you otherwise. Take a Sharpie and just write those three letters on my forehead.”

“That would be one way to get attention.”

Alec shifts, unwilling to point out the only person he’s ever wanted that kind of attention from is Theo.

“Someone’s hard,” Theo whispers, dropping his gaze to Alec’s dick, which is currently pressed into Theo’s stomach.

“Did you just notice?” Alec quips. “Maybe you need a picture of my cock on my forehead too? Or a diagram. I can make you a chart.”

“You’re such a little shit.” Theo laughs, silencing Alec with a kiss that has him trying to mold himself around Theo’s body, his cock so hard he’s pretty sure he’s going to come the second Theo touches him.

“Mmm, talk dirty to me.”

“Smartass.” Theo kisses Alec again. This time is deeper, the promise of more making Alec’s toes curl with pleasure.

“Speaking of my ass,” Alec says a bit breathlessly when Theo breaks the kiss, “you’re welcome to it.”

---