Page 82 of Cross the Line

“So, fucking? You said sex and honestly all I’m hearing is a lot of talking.”

“That’s because you never stop talking.” Theo half laughs, saying it in a way that has Alec’s insides filling with butterflies. “I was trying to ask you something but you keep distracting me.”

“My bad.” Alec tries to make his expression neutral while he drops his leg from Theo’s ass and sits up very straight. “Alright then, Theodore. Out with this important question.”

Theo’s smile falters. “How much have you done?”

“Is this like a job interview? Because I gotta be honest, I wasn’t prepared to list all of my past partners to acquire this loss of virginity.”

“Alec, I’m serious.”

“Me too. Who fucking cares?” Alec grumbles, unsure why he’s suddenly self-conscious.. He’s the first one to point out that virginity is a social construct, but it’s also one he’s been forced to live under, especially playing college sports at his level. The endless expectations are exhausting and the few times he braved trying to go on a date, it always ended up in disaster. Well, it’d probably also gone horribly because Alec mentally compared every man he met to Theo, but the way his dates assumed Alec would want to fuck on the first date also ruined things.

“I care.”

“Why? If I was slutting around, would you change your mind?”

Theo’s head tips forward and he groans loudly. “You can be so difficult, you know that?”

“Yes, I get told that often, thank you.” Alec crosses his arms, unsure how things turned so quickly. This is his fault. This is why he’s a virgin. His standards are too high and his mouth is too big and he fucks things up. People are fucking weird about sex and Alec’s exhausted by it.

Taking two deep breaths, Theo lifts his gaze to meet Alec’s. “I’m not going to judge you.”

“Everyone says that and no one means it.”

“I mean it, Alexander.”

Alec worries his bottom lip between his teeth before tugging his necklace out from beneath the collar of Theo’s sweater. He twists the pendant in his fingers, the light catching on it. For the first time Theo realizes what it is—a peso.

“I’ve never seen you wear that before. Before last night, I mean.”

“Abuelita gave it to me before she died. It was one of the only things she brought with her when she came here. Me, Jason, Andrew and Charlie all got one. She said you could go anywhere with a peso and a dream.” Alec smiles and Theo is reminded of how close Alec was with her. “I took it with me when I went to Mexico with Antonio, and it felt like bringing a piece of her back home, you know? She never got to go back after she got married. Anyway, there was this jeweler down there and he made it into this. Last night was the first time I wore it.”

“Taking that peso and a dream for a test run,” Theo teases, giving Alec’s hip a gentle squeeze.

“If you’re implying I used my dead abuela’s good luck charm to lose my virginity you would be wrong.” Alec snorts, unwilling to admit the real reason he’d worn it last night, or the dream he hadn’t been willing to let go of just yet.

“Can I kiss you, Alec?”

The question takes Alec by surprise. “I already told you that you can stick your dick in me, so I’m pretty sure that makes me a sure thing for kisses.”

“There’s no such thing as a sure thing,” Theo says softly, leaning forward. His hair is longer than it’s been in recent memory, dark blond locks hanging over his eyes and his glasses a little crooked from their kiss.

“There is with me,” Alec assures him, straightening Theo’s glasses.

“I’m not going to assume,” Theo says, the corner of his mouth turning up when Alec tucks some of the hair behind his ear. For this being nothing more than sex, it feels more intimate than anything Alec’s ever experienced. Or maybe sex is always like this. How would Alec know? “I don’t want to hurt you.”

It hurts right now, Alec wants to whisper. He wouldn’t cry. He’d be so much quieter than he’s ever been before, but Theo would still hear him, which is why he doesn’t say it. Why he can’t ever say it. The last time he let Theo know how he really felt, he’d lost him, and he can’t risk that happening again.

“You can kiss me,” Alec says, realizing Theo isn’t going to until he says something.

“Thank you.” Theo leans forward, his hair tickling Alec’s forehead and his glasses pressing into Alec’s nose before he seals their lips together. Where Alec’s kiss was demanding and needy, Theo’s is as steady as Alec expects. He deepens the kiss, tongue sliding into Alec’s mouth while his hand slips around the back of his head.

“Yes,” Alec whimpers.

“I didn’t ask you anything,” Theo murmurs against his lips.

“Preemptively yes,” Alec groans, wrapping his legs around Theo’s back in a wordless request for more.

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