Page 43 of Cross the Line

“Well, I definitely want to hook up.”

He’s already lied to Jason once today, one more won’t hurt. Maybe if he says it out loud, it’ll become true. Besides, maybe getting out and finding someone to scratch an itch will rid him of this ridiculous crush on Alec.

CHAPTER 9

Alec

“Well, I definitely want to hook up.”

Alec’s feet stop moving, the lightness in his chest dissipating. When he was a kid, Charlie bought him a balloon at the fair. He told him it might pop, but Alec hadn’t cared; he'd loved that balloon. It had been blue. Alec’s favorite color is blue. Blue like the sky on a warm summer day. Blue like the endless sea. Blue like Theo’s eyes.

That balloon didn’t pop. It stayed in Alec’s room until the helium was gone and it shriveled up and collapsed on itself. Alec had tried to hide it under his pillow, but someone threw it away. He wishes someone would throw away his heart.

“Yeah, I’m sure,” Theo continues, pitching his voice lower. Alec doesn’t want to hear anymore, yet his feet drag him towards the end of the aisle anyway. Maybe this is what he needs—to have his heart popped in a way his balloon hadn’t.

Part of him wonders who Theo is talking to, but the other part already knows. It’s Jason. It has to be. Theo is too introverted and antisocial to have more than one friend and there’s no way he’d go clubbing with anyone else.

“Yeah, sure. You can pick me up at eight. We can hit The Cherry.”

Alec’s frown deepens. The Cherry is the only queer club in Santa Leon and a well known hookup spot for Theo, which makes sense given what Theo just told Jason, yet it still makes bile rise up Alec’s throat. This is why you can’t be friends with people you’re in love with. Because they go and do things they have every right to do, and it makes you want to lay down and cry.

“I told you I’m not with anyone, idiot.”

Theo laughs and Alec’s heart shrivels up and dies the way it should have a long time ago.

Giving himself an extra moment, Alec wills his breathing to calm down and schools his features into nonchalance while he waits for Theo to get off the phone. It’s only once he’s heard Theo say goodbye that Alec smooths his hands down his belly, fingering Theo’s shirt once before forcing his feet to move. He is under no illusions about whose fault this is—his own. If Theo had any inkling of the kind of pain he was causing, he would probably do everything to stop it like last time. The problem is, the only way to end this pain is to not be around Theo, and years of that did nothing to dull his crush. Sure, there were months where Alec let himself try to move aside and forget, but all it would take was Jason talking about Theo or Theo coming over for a family dinner and it all came rushing back.

At this point Alec has accepted he’s probably going to spend his entire life in love with someone who doesn’t return those feelings, and he’s fine with it. Mostly. Except for times when he’s reminded Theo’s out there hooking up. The idea of him fucking other people makes Alec feel like puking, but he knows it’s not his business. He has no right to be this upset, which is why he puts a lid on those feelings.

The only way to make sure Theo doesn't run away from him again is to never let on how big his own feelings are. The one upside is Alec is great at faking shit, and has an entire six years under his belt pretending he’s no longer in love with Theo. He can totally do this.

Resolved to hide his feelings until he dies, he turns the corner and halts at the end of the aisle when he catches sight of Theo talking to Rio.

“We’ve got to pick one. Alec is gonna be back soon. Which one do you like?”

Theo holds her out as if she might pick a collar off the display and the fucking balloon in Alec’s chest inflates. He loves this stupid idiot so fucking much.

“I know I took a while in the bathroom, but I didn’t realize it was long enough for you to learn to speak cat.”

Theo startles, pulling Rio back against his chest. “You scared the shit out of me.”

“I have that effect on people.” Alec smirks, hating the way his own smile grows when Theo laughs. “Did you miss me?”

“Yes, Alec, I missed you terribly while you were gone for an entire five minutes. How did you know?”

“Aw, you timed my absence. How sweet. I get it, life is very boring without me, isn’t it?”

“It’s quieter.”

“Like I said, boring.” He waits to see if Theo will say anything else, but when he doesn’t Alec moves to his side, letting his arm brush up against Theo’s. “How about we change tactics? You’re overthinking this.”

“One, how do you know I’m overthinking it? And two, you literally told me it was important.”

“One, I’ve met you, Theodore. Two, I was giving you shit.”

“Oh.” Theo’s shoulders slump forward while Rio tries to force her way out of Theo’s arms to get to Alec. “I think she likes you better.”

“She has impeccable taste.”

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