Page 42 of Cross the Line

The ease with which he says it somehow lessens and worsens the invisible rope around Theo’s heart. He can’t act on this crush with Alec. He can’t risk his friendship with Jason. Nothing in the world is worth that.

“Let me guess, you just woke up and realized you forgot to grocery shop last night, and you have no food but didn’t want to eat breakfast alone.”

“Fuck off,” Jason laughs.

“I’m right and we both know it.”

“Fuck you.” There’s some more cursing and strange background noise as if Jason dropped the phone. Probably did, knowing him. “So are you coming?”

“Coming where?”

“To breakfast, asshole.”

“I already ate.”

“Then have a coffee.”

Rio’s tiny claws unravel one of the threads of Theo’s sweater. It’s fitting, since Theo feels like his entire life is on the precipice of unraveling with one small revelation.

“I, uh,” Theo pauses, staring down at Rio and wishing she would stop staring back. “I’m just running some errands.”

“I could come run them with you,” Jason offers. “I need to get out of the house and get groceries today anyway. There’s jack shit in my house to eat.”

The offer isn’t exactly unexpected. Though they don’t always make an actual plan, inevitably he and Jason see each other most weekends. Even though Jason has a lot of other friends from work, he always makes time for Theo. That and Jason hates being alone, which means he’ll often follow Theo around on his errands, or watch tv at Theo’s house if he has a report to work on and is too busy to go anywhere. Theo’s never minded, but he’s never been with Alec before. Jason would probably be delighted to come buy kitten supplies and meet Rio, and the fact that Theo doesn’t want him to be part of this yet has guilt churning in Theo’s gut.

For the first time in Theo’s entire life, he’s got a secret he doesn’t want to share with Jason and he has no idea what that means. He wants to tell himself he’s protecting his friendship with Alec while it strengthens, but it’s yet another lie. The truth is the one it protects is Theo.

“I can’t, Jason.”

The line goes quiet, making Theo’s ear rush. “You’ve got someone at your house, don’t you?”

“No,” Theo answers too quickly.

Jason cackles. “Dude, if you’re with a hookup, you just need to tell me. You know I’m not gonna judge.”

“I’m not with a hookup,” Theo hisses, looking around the aisle. He’s still alone, and with no sign of Alec. “I’m alone.”

He doesn’t feel too guilty about that one since it’s not entirely untrue. Alec is in the bathroom so he is alone, sort of. If you don’t count the kitten in his arms, which he really doesn’t want to.

“Uh-huh.” Jason’s tone makes it clear he doesn’t believe him.

“I’m not with anyone, I swear.”

“Oh, so you just don’t want my company then.” Jason laughs, but the joke is too close to home for Theo, who recalls being eight years old and having Jason hold his hand. He thinks of being twelve and Jason letting him sleep in his bed because that’s what brothers do, even though they weren't really. It might not be a romantic love, but he loves Jason, and he doesn’t want to hurt him.

“I was thinking we could go hit a club tonight,” Theo blurts.

“A club?” Jason perks up like a dog being given a bone. “We haven’t gone out to one of those in months.”

“I know. We should go, get some drinks and relax.”

“Is ‘relax’ code for wild sex? Do you need a wingman? I’ll be your wingman. What are you feeling? Straight club or gay club. The guys love me at a gay club. Please say gay club, please say gay club.”

“Are you sure you’re straight?” Theo laughs.

“No attention-shaming, asshole. A guy can wanna have someone buy him a drink and tell him he’s a snack without it meaning anything,” Jason protests. “Besides, I'm not in the mood to hook up.”

It’s on the tip of his tongue to ask if Jason is still upset about his ex, although calling her that might be giving her too much credit. She’d let Jason date her for a few months, take her out and buy her things, and then dumped him when she found someone new. Jason deserves better, but every time Theo tries to bring it up, he changes the subject. If he wants to go to a club, then that’s exactly where Theo will take him.

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