Page 14 of Cross the Line

“If you are dying, then it's your fault,” Theo says, not moving his head off the ground in case it starts to spin.

“Have some sympathy, Theo.” Jason sounds suitably pathetic, but Theo doesn’t have any compassion to spare right now. What he has is a raging headache, a bladder that’s so full it hurts, and a gnawing pit of anxiety. He rarely drinks, and when he does it’s usually only one or two beers. While he doesn’t mind a little buzz, he hates being drunk, and he hates having a hangover even more.

There’s something deeply unsettling about the idea that he might have said or done something he normally wouldn’t while sober. He wracks his brain, trying to remember specific details about the party, but it’s impossible to focus and his mind is nothing but a hazy blank. He might not have gotten blackout drunk, but whatever was in the birthday punch hit hard.

“Theo, get me Advil,” Jason moans.

“This isn’t even my house. You get it,” Theo retorts. He grabs one of the pillows off the couch to prop his head. He doesn’t want to move from the floor, but he’s also not a martyr. There’s no reason for him to get a crick in his neck.

“You lived here for a year, this is basically your house, too.” Jason appears at the end of the couch on his hands and knees. Even without his glasses on, Theo can tell he looks like absolute shit. There’s marker on his cheek in the shape of what he’s pretty sure is a dick. His hair is also sticking up in the front with something questionably gummy in it, and he’s dressed in a neon green swimsuit with pizza on it. This would be less weird if the King family had a pool, which they don’t.

“Come on Theo,” Jason whines. “You’re basically family.”

The reminder should soothe Theo, but at the moment all it does is make him want to hurl as thoughts about his not at all familial feelings towards Alec as the activities from last night come rushing back.

Last night Alec had been the center of attention with his bright eyes and gorgeous smiles. Yet no matter how Theo tried to hide, Alec always managed to find Theo in the crowd and offer a kind smile. God, Alec was too nice.

Alec had been the single sexiest person Theo had ever seen, but the worst part hadn’t been how Theo had constantly sought Alec out in the crowd. The worst part wasn't even how Theo had, after too much punch, began to wonder if his own big hands might fit around Alec’s tiny waist. The worst part had been the way Theo ached for one of Alec’s smiles when they were directed at someone else.

The worst part was the way Theo let himself be pulled into the party and laughed and danced and let himself have fun. Not that Theo never has fun. He reads books. He goes on hikes. He and Jason even have pizza most Friday nights where they watch movies and eat too much, at least during the off season. When Jason is in coach mode during football season all their normal plans go out the window. Either way, Theo can have fun. He has safe, calculated, and controlled fun. Last night was not controlled. Last night Theo let go and now he’s facing the consequences.

Basically family. Theo’s gonna puke.

Curling into the fetal position, Theo closes his eyes and presses his fists against them so hard he sees spots. He’s always been the responsible one. The Kings loved Theo because he made sure Jason did his homework and got home safely on school nights. Theo’s always been good at knowing what to do to make sure people don’t get sick of him. He’s supposed to be like a pseudo-big brother to Alec. He should not have the hots for him. Just thinking about what Jason’s parents might think if they found out makes Theo want to curl into a ball and die.

The Kings have always been so good to Theo. When his dad had to work late and there was no food, there was always a place at their table. On the weekends when his dad worked doubles and the house was as empty as the fridge, they let Theo have sleepovers with Jason. They came to all of his and Jason’s games, and while that’s because their son was playing, they used to cheer for Theo, too. In high school when his dad got a new job at a factory three hours away, they’d turned the guest room into a place for Theo so he could finish his senior year with his best friend and not risk losing his college scholarship. In many ways the Kings are his family, and now he’s gone and done something unforgivable.

“You’re doing the hangover spiral, aren’t you?”

“I don’t spiral,” Theo mumbles from behind his hands.

The sound of Jason crawling closer is all the warning he gets before Jason flops down beside Theo and pulls him into a hug. Theo doesn’t breathe, doesn’t move, but neither does Jason.

“You know you’re allowed to have fun, right?”

“Shut up.”

“I’m serious,” Jason says and the worst part is, Theo knows it. Jason isn’t really a sappy guy, but he notices more than most people give him credit for. Sure, sometimes he’s as observant as a toddler, but Theo always liked that because it meant there was no one around to notice when his feelings didn’t match his words. Besides, there are other times, like now, Jason is unexpectedly astute.

“You had fun last night.” It’s not a question so Theo doesn’t respond. He lets his hands fall away from his eyes, rolling into Jason’s hug. There’d been a time back when he was first discovering his sexuality where he wondered if he was in love with Jason. He was the only person Theo let in, the only person allowed to touch him. Was that love? He’d quickly realized that yes, he did love Jason, more than anyone in the world—but not romantically. Lucky for Theo, Jason didn’t care that his best friend was queer, and had never held back from showing his affection.

“Whatever your brain is saying right now, it’s lying.”

Theo’s jaw wobbles. That’s another reason he doesn’t drink. It makes the anxiety lessen while he’s drinking, but the hangover nerve spike is brutal, something Jason knows firsthand. Except this time Theo’s not wallowing in his own feelings of inferiority or fears of abandonment. He’s thinking about Alec and all his golden skin and warm freckles, Theo is the actual worst best friend alive.

“Everything is okay, dude.” Jason’s warm hand is on his cheek and Theo dares to open his eyes, the well of emotions in him taking a backseat to the up close and personal view of the dick on Jason’s cheek, complete with detailed pubes. “I’m serious, Theo.”

“It’s very hard to take you seriously with the dick on your face.” Theo snorts.

“There’s a dick on my face?” Jason frowns, slapping his cheek. “Well, that’s a first.”

He doesn’t look remotely bothered but maybe having a bisexual best friend, twin queer older brothers and a loudly gay baby brother have ensured that there’s not an ounce of toxic masculinity in Jason King’s body. Hell, the last pride parade they’d all gone to, Jason had worn more rainbow shit than Theo or his brothers combined.

“My head hurts,” Theo admits, closing his eyes again.

Jason being Jason is somehow the best and worst thing that could be happening right now, because it’s exactly what Theo needs and yet everything he doesn’t think he deserves. If Jason knew what he was thinking right now, well, Theo’s not sure what would happen. Jason isn’t the kind of guy who would punch Theo for lusting after his baby brother, but Theo can’t imagine he’d welcome it either. Theo’s too old for Alec, for one thing. The big thing. He’s almost thirty and Alec is a fresh faced twenty-one year old with his entire life ahead of him.

“My head hurts too,” Jason sighs, tucking Theo’s head under his chin. He wraps one of his big arms around Theo’s back, offering the kind of tactile reassurance Theo would never in a million years ask for, and Theo’s mind finally quiets.

---