Page 122 of Cross the Line

He’s never thrown anyone a party before, not even Jason, since his family always handled that. It feels monumental somehow to realize that yet one more part of taking care of Alec, making him happy, is something he can do. There’s a responsibility there and after months of therapy, that no longer feels like a burden but a privilege.

Watching the summer sun glint off the freshly cut grass, Theo can’t help but smile, hoping Alec likes it all. When Alec had offhandedly mentioned wanting something small and cozy last month for his birthday, Theo had taken the idea and ran with it, eager to give him everything he wanted and more.

“Are you daydreaming about Alec?”

“No,” Theo lies, turning to see Jason has returned from his trip to the recycling bin with a smirk.

“You’re such a bad liar.”

“Yeah, but we both know if I answered honestly it might incriminate me.”

“I told you, you’re allowed to talk about being in love. Just don’t ever mention sex and my brother in the same sentence and we’re good. As far as I’m concerned, he’s still an innocent virginal baby.”

Theo barks out a laugh, unable to picture Alec as innocent ever. “Whatever you say.”

“I hate you,” Jason grumbles. He’s been a bit moody today, which is unusual given his normal positive disposition.

“You okay?”

“I’m fine,” Jason sighs. “Ugh, you love Alec so much, don’t you?”

“Uh, yes.”

Jason groans loudly, covering his face. He mumbles something unintelligible, the words lost behind his big hands. When he drops his face his expression is still tight. “Sorry I’ve been a dick today. I’m so jealous.”

Oh. Oh.

“Am I being a bad friend? Am I neglecting you? Maybe–”

“Stop.” Jason holds up a hand, face pinched. “I’m fine, and I’m happy for you guys. I’m being a dick. It’s just…ugh, I don’t wanna talk about this today. Or ever, but especially not today. Raincheck?”

“Raincheck,” Theo concedes. If Jason isn’t ready to talk about it, then Theo isn’t going to push. To his relief and surprise, dating Alec hadn’t ruined his friendship with Jason, but he’d wondered if this might happen at some point. Even though he’s made a concentrated effort to make sure they have bro time, it’s been inevitable that some of that time involves Alec now. He thought Jason was cool with it, but maybe there’s something else there. Either way, he’s willing to be patient until Jason is ready to talk.

“You should probably shower,” Theo says, offering Jason an escape since he looks like he ate a lemon. “You smell like you rolled around in the mud.”

Jason lifts an arm and sniffs himself, grimacing. “Gross. I’m gonna head home and shower before the party, feed the dogs and take them for a quick walk. I’ll be back in an hour and a half, is that good?”

“Sure, I’m pretty much done at this point. All I have to do after I shower is put out the tablecloths and flowers and then the taco guy will be here at three to set up. Riley texted me earlier and said that he was going to take Alec out for lunch after their jump, so they’re supposed to be here in—” he pauses to look at his watch. “Two hours, fuck.”

“Calm down, Theo. You’ve got this. Everything is perfect. He’s going to love it.”

Jason squeezes Theo’s shoulder and when he releases it some of his tension fades. He’s maybe been a little intense about the party today and while it’s supposed to be low key and simple, Theo’s been deep in his anxious need to make it perfect.

“Pretty sure you could’ve bought him a shitty pizza and eaten on a picnic blanket on the overgrown grass, and Alec would have still been happy. He loves you so much, which is somehow amazing and gross all at once. I’m still not sure which is which. All I know is I’ve never seen either of you happier, and that makes me happy. So just relax, alright? You did good, Theo.”

“Thanks,” Theo says quietly, surprised at how much hearing that helps. Part of him itches to tell Jason right now about the engagement. Keeping the secret from him all day was brutal, the only thing that made Theo feel a little bit better about the entire thing is that Jason already knows about the ring and Theo’s intention to propose; he just doesn’t know it accidentally happened this morning. Not yet.

“I’m gonna take off,” Jason announces. “See you.”

Once Jason leaves, Theo hurries into the house to shower, scrubbing away the dirt and sweat. He takes the time for a close shave, eager to have Alec mouth at the smooth skin later, like he always does when Theo is freshly shaved. Thoughts of Alec fill his mind while he dresses, spending more time than usual trying to tousle his hair and apply a generous amount of his favorite cologne Alec seems obsessed with. Once he’s done he heads to his closet, pulling on a pair of worn, faded jeans that are just this side of too tight and make Alec especially needy, along with a new blue sweater he bought last week for this very occasion. Most of his clothing leans towards earth tones, but there’s something delightful about pulling on the bright blue sweater knowing it’s going to be a beacon for Alec’s attention.

It’s odd to realize he spent his entire life avoiding being noticed, but with Alec he craves it, relishes in the other man’s attention. Something about Alec’s adoring gaze and handsy affection has turned Theo into a bit of attention whore, at least where Alec is involved.

By the time he’s finished dressing, there’s still over an hour until Jason and the taco guy arrive. Finding a taco guy who specialized in vegetarian options had been harder than Theo thought and he’d had to hire one from Los Angeles, adding on a pretty penny to the travel expense, but it'll be worth it to see Alec devour his body weight in his favorite food.

Eager to make sure everything is ready by the time they arrive to set up, Theo hurries back into the yard, setting up the tablecloths and adding vases of white dahlias to each of the tables. Once he’s done, it’s hard not to notice that all of the white makes it look more like an engagement party than a birthday. Or maybe Theo’s just got marriage on the brain.

Somehow Theo had grown up believing that avoiding love would break a generational curse of abandonment and trauma. Thinking about Alec’s tear-filled eyes as he’d let Theo slip the ring on his finger this morning, he understands the truth to be far different. Loving Alec, and letting himself be loved in return, is the bravest thing he’s ever done.

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