“I’m excited. I’ve never been one to go on vacation alone, but the cruise sounds like a great way to do it.”

“Are you sure you want to go alone?” he asked again. He’d been asking since she opened it.

He only thought of it because she’d mentioned it in passing. There should be plenty of people her age on the cruise and she’d always been outgoing. If he knew of a friend she’d want to go with, he would have done that.

“I might see if my sister is interested. She’d love it too, but she’d have to pass it by her husband. He’s not always keen on those things.”

“I’ll pay for it,” he said. “Just tell her I already did. Seriously. That you have a trip for two and would love to spend the week with her.”

“Jamie,” Janelle said, laughing. “No. I’ve got more than enough money and don’t need you to do it.”

“Maybe I’m worried you’ll meet some single man and hook up and decide you don’t want to work for me anymore. If your married sister is with you that won’t happen, right?”

She burst out laughing. “No. She’s a prude.”

“Then it’s done. Cruise for two. Wish I thought of it before but didn’t.”

“The beer isn’t helping you think right now either. We’ll talk more about it another day.”

“I’m not drunk,” he said and snorted. “Do you know how much it takes for me to get drunk?”

“No, and I don’t want to find out,” Janelle said. “But the bigger question is why you’re drinking at all, let alone three beers. I hadn’t realized you had beer in the house.”

“I bought it before I left. I knew I was going to need it when I returned. This is better than going for the whiskey.”

Which he had in the house too. The beer had been sitting in his office and the minute he walked in the door he threw it in the fridge. He thought having to wait a few hours for it to get cold would stop the urge to reach for it.

It didn’t.

He didn’t want to turn into the guy who drank to hide his feelings of self-worth. That he’d never be able to be the man his parents wanted, even when he tried.

Nothing he did was right and they weren’t going to let him forget that he brought embarrassment to the family with his actions.

The drinking and partying in the spotlight and on the news. The fighting on the field and in the locker room.

The only thing he was thankful for was that Mercedes took her payout and ran and never opened her mouth until the day she died.

Had she lived, he wasn’t so sure that would have remained the case, but he had no worries there either, having covered his butt legally.

“You make a good point,” Janelle said. “Are you hungry?”

“I could eat,” he said.

It was just a little after eight. Penelope was out cold the minute her head hit the pillow at seven. He was thankful his daughter was such a good sleeper.

More thankful that he had company tonight and wasn’t sitting here alone.

He didn’t know if Janelle was doing it to keep an eye on him like a mother would or if she didn’t want to be alone either.

She wouldn’t go to his parents’ house with him this morning for breakfast no matter how much he begged that he needed the moral support.

She’d said she’d been alone on Christmas for years and it was just another day for her.

The loneliness didn’t seem to bother her as it did him.

Had they stayed home, she would have spent the day with him and Penelope as she pretty much had. All she had was two hours of time alone in their rental home.

Janelle got up and opened the fridge and pulled out some cheese and fruit. He went to get some crackers.