Page 117 of Hell and High Water

Truth be told, though, all of them are real. Too real, sometimes.

“My father was a real piece of shit, you know?” Gavin says it quietly, and I see it for what it is.

“Mine too. At least, I was mostly an afterthought.”

“So many different flavors of assholes, aren’t there?” The giant man smiles, rubbing his chin. “Sends us down paths we never thought we’d take.”

“Is that why you joined the military?” I slump down in my seat, kicking my feet up on the dash.

“Yeah, partly. And my best friend was joining up.”

“Damon?” I don’t know much about Hell’s dad, but somehow, I don’t think Gav means him.

“Nah, I didn’t meet D until a few years later. Johnny Simmons and I were friends since we were kids. He was killed in a raid.”

“That sucks.”

“Yeah. Long time ago.” Gavin sighs, looking distant for a moment.

“Do you regret it? Becoming a soldier?”

“Yes? No? Everyday? Never? I don’t know. I try not to dwell on that anymore.” Not that he’s not still a soldier, through and through. But I can tell he’s strived to become more.

“I think I know what you mean. I've done a lot of stuff that I'm not super proud of. It's easier to compartmentalize and pretend it was a different version of me that did it.”

“Now that shit is not healthy, right there, Tell.”

“You don’t say? I’m the poster child for mental health, you know?”

“Shit, I’m a dumpster fire myself, buddy. At least I was until I met…”

“Definitely. Meeting her changed everything.” This is uncharted territory, the two of us openly discussing our relationships with the same woman.

Fucking. Weird.

But shouldn’t we?

Or should we all talk about it?

A part of me cringes away from that openness. Let sleeping dogs lie and all that. But I know better than to cram it down. I’m learning better, anyway.

“Something that I've realized ever since I met Hellena is that I'm gonna have to eventually address this shit.”

Gavin laughs softly, cocking his head to the side. “She really is something, isn’t she?”

“Id’ say you have no idea, but I know you do.” I join him laughing. “She just kinda makes all the noise go away.”

“For me, it's the nightmares.”

The silence that follows isn’t awkward or tense. It’s strangely peaceful. Companionable.

Another patrol passes before we head out again, rolling out onto the deserted road leading to the Block compound’s rear entrance.

“What do you think we're going to find at the Block?” I sit back up, rolling my shoulders to shake off the nerves.

“Hopefully, not a graveyard.”

“Geeze, try not to get my hopes up.” I snicker.

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