Page 115 of Hell and High Water

Her eyes soften just a bit at the confession.

“I’m still cracked, too, Evan.”

“Tell me how to make it better.” The walls inside me are crumbling, burning away in the glory of her light, her anger. “I will do anything. I just want us to go back?—”

“No. Never that. Nothing can ever be the same. Not for us. Not for me and Gavin, or Tell. No more secrets.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“I know what you meant. That you want us to be okay. We will be. If you stop acting like a fucking stoic jackass and tell me how you feel. Show me that you hurt like I hurt. Show me that you’re angry, show me that you’re sorry, that you love me!” She screams the words, crossing half the distance to me.

“I am. I do. With everything I have,” I nearly snarl at her, the admission breaking something inside me.

“Then fuck me, Evan. Fuck me as hard as you can. For as long as you can. Until I don’t hurt. Until I can’t feel anything anymore.”

21

TELL

“Talk about fucking creepy.”

“You know, you don't have to talk the entire time,” Gavin mutters. I’m not sure if he really meant that out loud.

“Sorry, I just talk a lot when I get nervous,” I snap back defensively, “and you can't tell me you're not nervous either, the way you're white-knuckling the steering wheel!”

Gavin gives me a disparaging side-eyed glance.

“Alright, alright. I’ll shut up.”

“Thanks. It’s hard enough to concentrate on watching for patrols without you going on about it.”

“Good point. I'll let you do your thing.”

I wish I had my headphones. At least then, I could listen to music to quiet the noise in my head. There’s been too much chaos lately, and switching characters, trying to meditate, it’s just not cutting it.

I’m twitchy as fuck.

I need quiet. I need my own space for twenty-four hours. I need a shower.

Fuck it all, I really just need Hellena near me all the time. She's the only thing that quiets the buzzing rabble, the overactive imagination and endless speculating that rush through my head at any given second.

Wouldn’t hurt to release a little stress with her in bed, either.

Ever since we had some time together at the safe house, it’s all I can think about. You’d think I got my fix for a bit, but it’s completely opposite.

The reality of our dangerous situation drags me back to the present.

“Another patrol. Fuck.” Gavin kills the engine again.

It’s hard to tell who they are, the dark SUVs, the hint of gun barrels in the partially open windows. Chances are, it’s Marco’s men.

And they are out in droves.

Their obvious hostility makes one thing certain. We do not want to get caught and questioned. There’s no way to know if they know who we are, but it’s not worth the risk.

Gavin almost took out one group, right off the bat, before I pointed out another, and then another car.

The numbers are overwhelming.

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