Page 54 of Serving the Maestro

Because all of that had felt like good-bye.

EIGHTEEN

JAZZ

“You look like hell.”

I barely glanced at Cam, my gaze locked on the computer code on my screen. I’d been in the office for more than three hours and hadn’t made even the most minuscule bit of progress. “I’m working.”

“No. You’re trying to work, but you’re stuck, and you only get stuck when you have something on your mind. Now spill.” She came into my office and carefully lowered her hugely pregnant self into the armchair Danny located for my office. She had a similar one in her own office. Those two armchairs had become the only comfortable places she could sit, thanks to her belly.

I felt like shit because looking at my best friend right now hurt.

“Jazz?”

The uneasy note in her voice cut through me, and I closed the program on my computer so I could look at her. I had to deal with this. Otherwise, I’d end up risking a friendship that meant everything.

“I can’t get pregnant,” I said, voice quivering.

Cam closed her eyes. One hand came up to cup her belly, almost protectively, and I fought the urge to flinch.

“Is that why you have difficulty looking at me right now?” she whispered.

Fuck.

“I’m having a hard time looking at anybody right now,” I said. “I’m sorry.”

She opened her eyes and met mine. “What’s wrong? Why can’t you...”

She didn’t finish, and I was glad because hearing it made it too real. “The doctor still has to run tests to confirm, but she thinks I have something called primary ovarian insufficiency. Basically, my ovaries seem to think it’s time to shut down. Permanently.”

I managed to smile and shrug like it wasn’t a big deal.

Then the tears threatened to come, and I covered my face with my hands.

“I want to hug you, but I don’t want to make it worse,” Cam said, her ordinarily confident voice filled with uncertainty that hurt me.

I wanted to kick myself.

“You can’t make it worse,” I said, realizing it was the truth. Lowering my hands, I got up and went to her before she could try to haul herself out of the chair. Going to my knees next to her, I hugged her. “I’m sorry. This isn’t your fault. You know I love you more than anybody.”

She hugged me as hard as she could.

The kid in her belly kicked.

I surprised myself by laughing. “She’s already demanding attention from her godmother.”

“She’s always demanding attention.” Cam took my hand and pressed it to the curve of her belly.

I smiled as the baby kicked again before lowering my hand and resting my head on Cam’s knee. “Trent left. He’s gone back to California.”

She stroked my hair, not saying anything.

“I think I fell for him, Cam. Hard.”

“I kind of figured that was the case.” She tugged my hair gently. “Did you tell him?”

“Was there a point?” Closing my eyes against the lingering pain, I sighed. “He has a life there. We only met because he had a job out here that lasted two months. Job’s over, so he left.”

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