He raised an eyebrow, that gesture saying it all.
“I’m not,” I insisted. “I enjoy working hard. Just as you do.”
“Aye, I do.” He nodded. “But I’ve made room for a life outside the office. Once for Evanne, and then again for Lumen.”
“They’re both amazing,” I said. “Soleil too.”
“Aye, her too.” He tipped his glass back and drained the last of his whiskey before continuing. “Perhaps that’s not what you want – a family – but I don’t believe for a moment that what you have now is the only thing you want for your future.”
“It doesn’t matter what I want,” I said. “With you, both your daughter and the woman you love lived here, in Seattle. Your life was already here. You only had to make room for it.”
“Trust me when I say that ‘only’ isn’t a word I would have used for it,” Alec countered. “I almost lost everything. I made some time for Evanne when she was born, but not as much as I should have, not until Keli left her with me. And Lumen? I made mistake after mistake with her. One of those mistakes almost cost us Soleil.” He glanced in the direction of the stairs, as if to ensure Soleil wasn’t within earshot. “I behaved like a right bastard and didn’t listen to Lumen. If I had…some things might have been different for Soleil.”
The guilt in his eyes told me that whatever had happened had been far worse than what I could imagine.
“Lumen has forgiven me for so much,” he continued. “I ken how lucky I am to have a woman like her. I don’t deserve her.”
“No, you don’t,” I said with a smile. “She is a rare woman.”
“Aye.” He smiled back. “That she is.”
“I’m going back to Scotland,” I said after a moment. “That’s where my family is. Where my business is. I can’t stay here.”
“Did she ask you to?”
I shook my head. “It never got that far.”
“What happened?”
“I brought her lunch on Tuesday, and she snapped at me that she couldn’t just drop everything to spend time with me, even if I was your friend. Everything just went downhill from there.” The words poured out. “She said we were from different worlds, that she had no family or name or money, as if that was something I cared about. She said that what had happened between us had been a mistake.”
“Do you regret it?” Alec asked. “Or do you just regret how it ended?”
“How it ended.” I didn’t even need to think about it.
“Do you want her? Not just for sex, but do you want her in your life?”
I put my elbows on my knees and my face in my hands. “I do, but I dinna ken how it can be.”
“Take it from someone whose stupidity almost fucked up his entire life.” Alec leaned over and clapped a hand on my shoulder. “Don’t worry about the details just yet. Go talk to her. Find out why she was upset and if she wants you the same as you do her. Don’t borrow extra trouble; just try to work everything out. If she’s worth it, be willing to be flexible. Don’t throw it all away before you even try.”
He was right. Even if Harlee didn’t care for me the way I did for her, I needed to speak with her. Going back home while things felt so unsettled would do neither of us any good.
And I had to do it now, before I lost my nerve.
I looked at Alec, and he nodded. “I’ll call for a car.”
Twenty-Four
Harlee
It had been a good week at work.
Still, this past week was something I wanted to forget. First, the shit with Mr. Kettle. Then the fiasco that’d happened with Baylen.
Having been able to make it home in one piece from work today, I decided that the best way to spend my weekend was sleeping, cleaning, and eating junk food while watching as many episodes of Once Upon a Time as possible. Since it was the first job where I got weekends off, I expected it to take a while to wear off the novelty.
I also hoped that staying home meant I wouldn’t accidentally run into my father. I hadn’t seen him since he asked me to steal from MIRI, but if he really did need money as much as he said, he would probably come back. I didn’t feel like making it easy for him. Still, I hoped he would just go back to ignoring me since I said no.