Page 52 of The Inquirer

I gritted my teeth and made my way up the stairs to the porch. These last couple feet to the door weren’t the hardest I’d ever had to cross, but they weren’t the easiest either. I was crazy for doing this, but I couldn’t stay away. Whatever it was about Bradyn that drew me to him made it almost impossible to walk away.

Two brisk knocks and my heart thudded as I waited. Maybe I should have called first, but by the time I’d considered that, I’d been out the door, and I’d worried that turning around for my phone would give me an excuse not to follow through. And I wanted to follow through. Just the thought of him inside me again made all those low, tight things inside me twist and turn.

“Nyx.” He looked surprised to see me. “Are you okay?”

I didn’t like that the first thing he thought when he saw me was that something was wrong.

Bradyn seemed to read my mind and frowned. He reached out, his fingers brushing against mine. “What did I say?”

I shook my head. “This was a mistake.”

Bradyn caught my hand before I could do anything more than start to turn. “Don’t go.”

I closed my eyes. “I don’t know what I was thinking, coming here.”

“Hey, it’s okay. Come inside, and we’ll talk. Whatever’s wrong, we’ll figure it out.”

“That’s exactly it.” I opened my eyes and hoped that the tears that had been burning against my eyelids didn’t spill over. “I’m not here because something is wrong.”

“I’m confused.”

My laugh was bitter. “That makes two of us.”

His expression softened, and he stepped out onto the porch, the shadows making his eyes the dark blue of a night sky. “Come inside, Nyx. Please.”

It was the please that did it. “All right.”

The air conditioner cooled my overheated skin, drying the sheen of sweat that had gathered in the short walk between the cabins. Bradyn led me over to his couch, and I sat down, wondering what the point was of me being here now.

“Do you want something to drink?”

I shook my head. “Let’s just get this over with.”

He crouched down in front of me. “Talk to me. You came here for a reason, and then something changed your mind.”

I sighed. “How is this ever supposed to be something with us if the only time I come to you is when there’s something I need you to do or fix?”

He thought for a moment before answering, which I appreciated, even if I didn’t think it’d make a difference. “Let me make sure I’m understandin’ this. You didn’t come here because somethin’ is wrong, and when I asked if you were okay, you felt like I assumed that if you were here, it was because you needed somethin’, not because you wanted to be here.”

“Pretty much.” A second bitter laugh burst out of my throat. “So, tell me, how can that be the basis for anything even remotely healthy? And what’s the point, then, of even trying?”

He leaned forward and kissed my forehead, then my cheeks, and finally, my lips. Each was just a light touch, nothing more, but they went through me in a way a deep, sensual kiss wouldn’t have right now.

“Listen to me, my little firebird,” he said as he took both of my hands. “I don’t care if you’re here because somethin’s wrong…” He stopped and shook his head. “That didn’t come out right. I want you to come to me if somethin’s wrong. If you can’t, that’s when I’d question why we’re tryin’.”

It made me feel better that he didn’t just automatically have the perfect thing to say. Less like I was always the fuck up, and he was the white knight. But it didn’t change the fact that I was fucked up, and Bradyn wasn’t. Having sex with someone, it didn’t matter what baggage I carried. It was just sex. But he wanted more. I just didn’t know if he understood what that really meant.

“Let’s try this again,” he said. “Pretend you knocked on my door, and I’ve just opened it.” He winked at me, diffusing some of the tension. “Nyx, it’s good to see you. Won’t you come in?”

“Seriously, Bradyn?”

He grinned. “What brings you here this fine evenin’?”

I rolled my eyes but couldn’t help smiling. “You’re really something, you know that?”

He put his hand on my cheek and ran his thumb over the corner of my mouth. He was still smiling, but the light in his eyes had shifted from humor to something sweeter.

“It doesn’t matter if you’re havin’ a great day or a shitty day, if you need me to help you with somethin’ or if you just want to spend time together. There will be times I’ll have shitty days too or might need your help. That’s what a relationship is, a back-and-forth, give-and-take.” His fingers curled around the back of my neck, a gesture that was oddly comforting. “We’re equals in this, firebird.”

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