Page 34 of The Inquirer

“You don’t let people close, and you wanted me to give you an excuse to push Bradyn away, so you didn’t have to face the fact that you have feelings for him. Feelings that are more than wanting him to fuck you senseless.”

“Dammit, Kaimi.” I leaned my head on the back of the couch.

“I know you don’t like hearing any of this, but you and I promised we’d never lie to each other. Not about the important shit.”

When I didn’t respond, she didn’t keep talking. Instead, she let me think. She really did know me, because if she’d tried to push or even tried to keep explaining the same thing over and over, I would’ve gotten pissed and just ignored everything she’d said.

I didn’t know if it was a personality trait I would’ve ended up with if I’d had a normal childhood, or if it’d just come from spending so many years having people tell me what to think and believe, but when people got too pushy, it made me want to push back.

Push back like Kaimi said I was doing with Bradyn because he was already too close to me, and I didn’t want him to get any closer. Even if that was true, though, I wasn’t sure it made a difference. Maybe if we lived near each other, I would have a ready answer, but that wasn’t how this went. I could use distance as an excuse, but if Kaimi was right, this wasn’t the sort of thing that’d just go away.

I either had to deal with this shit or face the fact that I’d never have anything more than those random hook-ups at the club.

Shit.

Fifteen

Bradyn

I loved my work. I really did. All the difficulties that came with doing documentaries – people who didn’t want to talk, weeding out lies and truth, bad weather, bad food, bad hotels – none of those things could keep me from doing what I was meant to do. It wasn’t some type of mystical destiny or fate thing. Just that I was one of those fortunate people whose passion and skillset happened to match up.

Learning what I had about Nyx’s case, I was more determined than ever to finish my documentary. Even though I didn’t know all the details of what sorts of things my family was being investigated for, my gut said that our two investigations would end up with a lot of the same information. Nyx wouldn’t have to worry about hiding things from me or breaking her clients’ confidentiality if I figured it out myself.

Being in the loop wasn’t my main reason to step up my own research skills, though. I’d let myself get distracted over the last few weeks, and I couldn’t do that. If I truly wanted to have a relationship with Nyx, a real relationship, I needed to find a balance. I’d had girlfriends in the past, and there’d always been a period at the beginning where I’d found myself thinking about them when I was doing other things – the ‘honeymoon’ phase – but I’d never had a problem maintaining work or just normal life stuff.

Nyx was different.

She invaded every part of my life. No matter what I was doing. Like how I’d been washing my dinner dishes last night when I’d glanced toward her cabin and wondered if she’d gone to the house for dinner. If she and the Huxleys had talked about me. What she’d been thinking about the things we’d talked about earlier this week.

It was Friday now, and she still hadn’t given me an answer.

I’d seen her, so I knew she wasn’t actively avoiding me. It wasn’t like she was ignoring me when we were around each other, either. She’d answer a greeting, make small talk during a meal. She even smiled toward me. Toward me. Not at me. I didn’t know if anyone else made the distinction, but I did.

I knew the difference.

I’d felt what it was like to have that smile focused on me, to be the person she looked to for comfort and safety…and sex.

Yes, I wanted more than a physical relationship with her, but I wasn’t dead. Sex with Nyx wasn’t like anything I’d ever experienced before. I didn’t know if it was because I’d never done the submission thing for anyone else, or if it was that the two of us just had a different connection.

At some point, we’d probably have bad sex. That was just how the odds worked. Honestly, I hoped that we’d be together long enough to have bad sex. And angry sex. And make-up sex…again. Romantic. Kinky. Vanilla.

I’d take her any way I could get her.

Thunder’s hard head hit my back and knocked me into the stall wall. When I glared at him over my shoulder, he gave me the most annoyed look a horse could muster.

“Thank you,” I said as I turned around and patted his nose. “You just proved my point. I know better than to go into a horse stall distracted.” I dug a sugar cube out of my pocket and held it out. “I know, I know. I should have given you the treat right away, and I let my mind wander.”

I patted him again before leaving the stall, latching it behind me. My last lesson of the day had canceled, allowing me to get the rest of my work done more than a half-hour early. I’d spent the past few evenings collecting information. I hoped to sort it tonight and then spend the weekend seeing what I needed to confirm and where to find that information.

For every dozen rumors I’d collected, more than half would prove false with only a few facts. Half of those would fall apart with more dedicated research. What I had left, however, would be exactly what I needed for my film. After I finished with this bit, the only thing I’d have left to do was look into my family. I’d done a little here and there, but I couldn’t put it off anymore.

I’d gotten some recognition for the last film I’d produced, but I had a feeling this one was going to be explosive. Before, the interest had been fairly localized. Around Savannah, it’d been big because people had known the family history, but it had still been local politics. Exposing the lies of the upper class, the wealthy, that was the kind of thing that garnered national attention.

I wasn’t in it to make a name for myself, but people needed to see the truth. How could we evolve as a people, move past hatred, if we denied its existence? No one was perfect, and I completely believed in forgiveness and that people could change, but the only way it could happen would be for us to be honest about where we’d come from.

The fact that I’d be exposing my own family also added an element of scandal that people would love. For some, it’d be proof of my authenticity, my willingness to betray family. For others, it’d just be the juicy, soap opera type shit that people just couldn’t seem to get enough of.

The work I was doing was important, but it didn’t stop me from looking over at Nyx’s cabin as I walked back to mine. It didn’t stop me from wanting to see her or wanting to hear her say that she wanted us to spend some time together before she left.

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