Page 67 of Claimed by Him

“I don’t blame you if you never want to see me again. I lost any right to be a part of your life when I let my fear get the best of me.” He took a deep breath and raised his eyes to meet mine. “And that’s what it was. Nothing pure and simple about it. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before, not even Elise.”

“You don’t think I was scared too? It’s not an excuse. You don’t hurt people you care about.”

“You’re right,” he agreed. “It’s not okay that I took my insecurities out on you. I should have been upfront about what I was feeling.”

I’d thought that hearing him apologize would give me some sort of closure, but it was too soon. The wounds were too raw.

He cleared his throat and went on, “Aside from Jenna and Rylan, I don’t know anyone with a functional relationship. Look at Elise and me. We crashed and burned. Epically. My parents split when I was eight. When my dad got married a few years later, he shut me out. My mom’s current relationship is the longest one she’s had since my dad, and I doubt it’ll last much longer.”

I opened my mouth to tell him that his cynicism wasn’t my problem, but he raised a hand, and I waited. The faster he got it all said, the faster he’d leave.

“I thought I loved Elise, and maybe I did at some point, but our relationship was so chaotic and emotional that it nearly destroyed me. When I caught her cheating, I promised myself I’d never let myself get in that deep with anyone ever again.” The corner of his mouth tipped up, but there wasn’t any real humor in the half-smile. “People say that if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans. He must’ve been laughing his ass off when I met you.”

I gritted my teeth and reminded myself that it didn’t matter what he said. It mattered what he did, and his actions had proven more than once that he had no idea what it meant to care about someone.

Except…he’d taken care of me at the hospital. I hadn’t asked him to do anything. He’d just done it.

“I’m not perfect, Rona, and I’m not going to lie and say that I’ll never fuck up again, but if you give me another chance, I’ll do my damnedest to make sure you don’t regret it.” He took a deep breath, and then added, “I’m falling in love with you.”

His confession hit me like a fist. Why did he have to say that? Why couldn’t he have just apologized, made excuses for his behavior, then left? Why did he have to make things so hard?

“How can I trust you?” The words came out as a whispered question rather than the strong accusation I’d meant it to be.

“I’ll do whatever it takes, give you as much time and space as you need. I’ll move heaven and earth if it means never breaking a promise to you. I’ll understand if you don’t think I’m worth the risk, but I’m begging you to give me a chance.”

I didn’t remind him that I’d already given him a second chance. That he’d fucked things up before, and we hadn’t known each other that long. The problem was, I couldn’t write off the bad behavior as being who he was any more than I could excuse the bad because of the good. People weren’t saints or sinners. We were all complex beings, made up of millions of components.

“And there’s something else. My divorce is going through and will be final soon. I gave Elise what she wanted, and she signed the papers. I’ll be free soon. Completely free and finally ready to move forward.”

I stared at him. For me. He did it for me, I knew.

“I’ll go now.” He stood. “Thank you for listening.”

He was at the door before I told him to stop. “You want a chance to prove yourself?”

“More than anything.”

I released a long breath. “Then stay with me tonight.”

“Of course. I—”

I held up a hand. “No kissing or sex,” I clarified, wanting to be completely honest. “This isn’t a romantic getaway. I have to testify tomorrow, and I don’t want to be alone tonight. Clay was supposed to be here, but his flight was delayed. Can you just be my friend?”

Jalen’s eyes blazed with something so intense that it made my chest hurt. “I’ll be your friend as long as you’ll have me. And I’ll prove to you that you can count on me.”

It was a great declaration, but I didn’t know how much I believed it. Or how much I even wanted to. He wasn’t the only one who struggled with being cynical. I wanted to hope for the best, but I didn’t have the energy to do that right now. If he could get me through this, maybe I’d take the risk again, but I pushed those thoughts out of my head.

First, I had to get through tonight.

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