Mom, to my horror, had teared up before stepping up to hug me. "You're just...beautiful, honey. That's all. You're beautiful ."
Now, as we followed the usher to our seats, I was cursing the shoes I'd worn, a pair of black heels with ankle straps and pointy toes. I hardly ever wore heels. These were comfortable as far as heels went, but they were still high heels, and thus...miserable. The usher gestured to our seats, and I nodded my thanks as I took my seat, along with my mother. Dad didn't sit until we did and sipped my wine as he leaned to murmur to my mother. She laughed and both of them looked at me before exchanging glances again .
They'd been doing that allnight .
"What?" I asked, getting exasperated .
"Nothing." My mother lifted her cocktail to her lips, sipping as she focused her gaze on the stage. Of course, there was nothing there .
"Don't give me that. You two have been giving me odd looks all night." Wiggling my toes inside my shoes, I settled more comfortably in the chair and put both my purse and the program in my lap. "You two might as well tell me what's up. Otherwise I'll keep pestering you ."
Dad laughed .
Mom sighed .
I found myself smiling .
It felt good to do that. I didn't smile enough with them – with anybody really. It was because I didn't let myself get close to people. I already knew what the problem was, and although I understood the subconscious reasoning behind it, it didn't lessen the impact on my life .
I was lonely .
There was distance between my parents and me, a distance that was only slowly beginning to heal, despite the fact that it had been more than eight years since everything with Parker had started .
They blamed themselves .
They shouldn't, and I'd told them so. I was the one who hadn't gone to them, who'd believed my uncle when he lied and convinced me that nobody would believe me .
It wasn't my fault either .
I was only now coming to accept that fact, really .
It was his fault – just his .
Reaching over, I took my mother's hand impulsively and squeezed. "I love you guys," I said softly. "I don't tell you enough ."
"Baby..." Her eyes softened, and she leaned in to hug me, enveloping me in a cloud of perfume. As she pulled back, she gave me a watery smile. "Your father and I have just been talking about the difference in you. Even since Christmas. It's like..." She laughed, a little self-consciously. "It's hard to describe, but you've reclaimed that tenacious, stubborn persona you had when you were a child ."
She didn't say the words before Parker .
But they hung in the air all the same .
"It's a lovely change," she continued, hurrying on as if those unspoken words were going to drastically alter the tone of the night. "Don't misunderstand me. We're delighted. And it's not like you weren't a delight to us all along. But you seem stronger now. Happier too ."
I hadbeen .
I'll be that way again,I told myself. No matter what. I wasn't going back to hiding the way I had been the past few years .
"We've wondered...is there somebody you're seeing?" she asked softly .
The words surprised me, but maybe I should have been expecting them. Mom almost always seemed to ask, as though she believed if I found the right man, he'd make everything better. But I knew better. "Nobody in particular, Mom." And I swallowed down the instinctive jerk of guilt that rose, because it was the truth. I wasn't seeing anybody .
Not anymore .