Page 77 of Sex Coach

Twenty-Six

Michelle

I t wasthe slamming of a door down the hall that jerked me out of the fugue I'd fallen into. If it wasn't for the cranky old goat who lived in 210B – he was always slamming the door – I don't know how long I might have stood there, staring in the direction Jake had taken .

He'd taken the steps instead of the elevator, as if jogging down twenty-eight flights was better than being around me for however long it would take for the elevator to get to my floor .

That idea bothered me. A lot .

How could he think I'd do something like that ?

Not just run to a TV reporter, but do something that would be so humiliating for the woman involved ?

It was like he knew nothing about me .

But I guess he didn't. Not really. I would have at least given him the benefit of the doubt, I wanted to think, would have assumed he hadn't gone all out to do something so...so...mercenary and hurtful. Yet I hadn't gotten that from him .

The sheer venom in his voice rang in my ears, and I shivered, wondering if I could have done anything different, made him listen... "I could have tried harder," I told myself. Right ?

Looking around, I found myself still standing in the hallway, and I ducked back inside my apartment, leaning my back against the door. A massive ache spread through me, emanating from my chest, and I couldn't help but wonder if it was coming from my heart .

I'd known I was getting in over my head with him, but I hadn't realized it was thatbad .

"I should have tried harder to make him listen," I said again. But what could I have done ?

He'd been so angry ...

Then, abruptly, it was like a light came on .

What was I supposed to do? Force him to stand still and listen to me? Grab his arms and make him stand still while I insisted I hadn't done anything wrong ?

I didn't even know who he was talking about .

That wasn't going to happen .

I couldn't make him believe me .

That understanding only added to the ache, and I buried my face against my knees as the burn of tears creeped ever closer. Giving into the urge, I buried my face against my knees and gave in to the sobs that had lurked so close to the surface since he'd showed up on my doorstep .

I'd had oneday .

One day to feel happy and then it had all come crashing down around me, everything going straight to shit .

"I should have known better ."

* * *

T he crying jagleft me feeling good and drained, so I retreated to my bedroom with a cold washcloth and closed the blinds, sending the room into darkness .

As I sank down on my bed, I decided it was a good thing I'd gone to Jake's place instead of calling and asking him to come spend the weekend with me. I'd thought about it – hard. But I'd been too nervous to even pick up the phone and it was a good thing because if I'd laid down and the sheets smelled of him, I might have started crying all over again .

Draping the cool rag over my eyes, I blew out a shuddering breath .

"Don't think about it for a little while," I said. "Just don't think ."

I didn't expect to be able to follow my own advice, but to my surprise, within a few minutes, I slid into a restless sleep .

Fragments of dreams chased me. Jake alternately mocking me and yelling at me .

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