Page 87 of Sex Coach

If I'd fucked up, then what ?

I couldn't think of a single time I'd ever felt anything remotely like what I'd felt with Michelle. Everything with her felt real , even when I knew it couldn't be. She'd been looking like she had a sexual...something. Awakening, freedom .

Most likely, I hadn't done jack shit that any guy who knew about pleasing a woman couldn't do. She'd just needed somebody who...cared .

Cared.

Fuck.

That was the entire problem .

I cared .

About her .

And how in the hell was that supposed to work considering...I cut the thought off, as I'd been doing for the past few weeks, but this time, instead of shoving it all to the back of my head, I made myself think and focus .

Not just about her and why I couldn't let myself get involved with her, but because...everything .

If I really did care, maybe she did too .

No, neither of us had started this with any thought of a relationship, but it wasn't like it was off the table, was it ?

But that was the tricky thing .

I had no idea how things would turn out for me. They could go straight to hell if I kept going down this road. I didn't need to be dragging anybody else with me. And if I cared about Michelle ...

"If," I muttered. My voice sounded oddly loud in my small, sparse apartment. Dropping down onto my bed, I flung my forearm over my eyes. "Stop lying to yourself, King ."

There was no if . I cared about her .

I had for longer than I wanted to admit, and that was practically since day one. If I wanted to be really honest, I could just admit to myself that I had gone and fallen for her after those first few shy blushes .

But since that was the case, I needed to make up my mind. I couldn't pretend I didn't want to go over to her place, knock on her door, and ask if I'd been wrong .

If I did that, it would be for a reason and I could only do it if I made a decision .

But could I do that ?

Could I give up everything I'd been working toward ?

Everything I'd been fighting for ?

I didn't know .

But I wasn't certain I could keep living with this giant hole inside me either .

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