Page 49 of Sex Coach

Sixteen

Michelle

M y entire bodyfelt like it had been turned into a pile of goo. I had no bones, no spine, no strength. The bones had been replaced by wax and Jake had sapped me of my strength .

My face was tucked up against his chest while I waited for my heart to calm .

I was also waiting for the storm to start .

Sometime over the past few minutes, reality had kicked in, and I realized just...what I'd told him .

That had been everything . All the dark, ugly pieces of me, he now knew. I didn't like me even knowing them, but now he knew them too .

I didn't even want to think about that, much less how I'd broken down and collapsed and cried .

Again.

The nightmare was far from the first and the spiral of tears and despair was nothing new, but it sure as hell hadn't ever happened around anybody before .

Why now? Why with Jake here ?

Nobody had ever witnessed one of my nightmares .

Why did the first person have to be him ?

But of course, it wouldbe .

It wasn't like I'd spent the night with a guy before – or had one spend the night with me. The few pathetic attempts I'd had at normal relationships in college had always ended with the guy leaving my apartment, or feeling guilty or desperate to get away from the hysterical girl who'd started out just fine but ended up in tears .

"You're thinking too loud ."

Jake's hand smoothed through my tangled hair and rested on the back of my neck .

"I'm fine," I said, my voice husky and thick. At least it wasn't all because of tears. My body still ached from him, in the best possible way .

Why was he still here ?

I kept waiting for him to get up and tell me he needed to leave. It wasn't like he didn't have a reason .

"If you were any tenser, you'd snap," Jake said softly. He rolled, spilling me onto my back with him laying between my thighs. "You and that brain...it kicked on a few minutes ago and hasn't shut off since. What are you thinking about that has you so worked up ?"

As he spoke, he reached up to rub the line of tension that had formed between my eyebrows, and I unconsciously relaxed those muscles, a headache beginning to pound in reaction. "Nothing," I lied .

"I'll let you get away with that one." He sighed. "But don't lie. If you don't want to talk about it, just tell me ."

My face flamed even hotter. "Why do you have to keep pushing? What else do you want?" Hell, how much more could I possibly give him anyway ?

"I want to know what's wrong," he said again. "Why you're so tense, why it feels like you'll break." He pressed his thumb to the line between my brows and pushed gently, carefully. He did it again and again until it was an effort to keep my eyes open simply from the pleasure that light massage brought .

I barely even noticed when he stopped. I did notice when he kissed me, though, his lips rubbing against mine. "What am I going to do with you, Michelle?" he murmured .

Lashes fluttering up, I found him still watching me. "Do you know how hard it is to carry these things inside me and have them come spilling out the way they just did? It's...awful. It's humiliating ."

"The shame isn't yours," Jake said quietly. "It belongs to somebody else. To the bastard who hurt you, to the people who didn't stand by you. It's not yours ."

"It feels like mine," I whispered .

Jake was quiet for a long time, then in a low tense voice, he said, "I killed my mother, Michelle ."

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