Page 65 of Take Me, Sir

Kyndall

I trustedDean when he said that Anthony was okay, but a part of me still wouldn't believe it until I saw him for myself.

If Dalton and Juliette even let me anywhere near him.

A sharp pain went through my heart, far surpassing anything I felt in my throbbing wrist. The handcuffs hadn't helped, but I wasn't going to complain. I deserved it. I deserved so much worse.

Dean wasn't making things any easier. He kept wanting to hold me, to tell me that it was all okay. He wanted to comfort me, but I didn't want that.

No, that wasn't true. I wanted it. I just wasn't going to accept it.

Once I confirmed that Anthony was okay, I was going to leave, and giving in to Dean now would only make that harder. I was through thinking of myself first. I had to protect the people I loved.

And I did love him. I'd been reluctant to use that word, thinking that if I simply said I cared about him, or even that I was falling for him, it would keep things from getting too intense. It hadn't.

He was quiet on the ride over to the hospital, but I didn't think for a moment that he was going to let things go unsaid between us. I stared out the window, not trusting myself to be able to look at him and not give in to the solace he offered.

Two squad cars were parked near the emergency room entrance, and the sight of them made my heart skip a beat. I believed the DA when she'd said she wasn't going to have me arrested, so it wasn't fear of incarceration that sent my pulse racing, but rather the recent memory of what I'd experienced when the cops had come bursting into the room less than thirty minutes ago.

I hadn't cared that they were arresting me, only that Stanley had shouted out that I'd made a deadly mistake. Something in me had snapped at that point, and I'd started screaming that they had to let me go, that they didn't understand what they'd done. No one had listened to me, of course, but that hadn't stopped me from begging everyone to stop. Common sense would've told me that it wouldn't have mattered if the police had decided at that moment to walk away, that Maverick wouldn't have honored his promise to me, but I'd been so far beyond common sense at that point, I couldn't recognize the reality of the situation.

I'd barely registered Dean's arrival until he grabbed my arms and forced me to look at him. Still, he'd had to repeat what he'd said before it'd started to sink in that Anthony had been found. Even now, it continued to feel like I was in some sort of dream. A nightmare that I couldn't wake up from.

Dean did the talking when we got inside, and a minute later, we were walking past another cop, and into a small room where Dalton and Juliette were on either side of a bed. The moment I saw Anthony sleeping peacefully, the emotions I'd been holding back broke through, and I let out a small sob.

Dalton stood, and I waited for him to yell, to tell me how I'd put his son in danger, how I needed to leave and never come back.

Instead, I found myself wrapped in his arms, my face pressed against his chest, and I didn't have the strength to pull away. I could hear Juliette and Dean talking quietly in the background, but at that moment, all that mattered was that Dalton didn't hate me. It was possible he didn't know my role in what happened, but for the moment, I would take what he had to offer.

My tears soaked his shirt, and the knot in my stomach eased some with the release. He didn't say anything, and for that I was grateful. Eventually, my crying stopped, and my breathing became less ragged. The sounds and smells of the outside world came in, and I knew what I had to do.

I took a step back, wiped my cheeks, and forced myself to look up at my brother.

“I am so sorry.” My voice cracked. “This is all my fault.”

Dalton started to shake his head, but I didn't let him argue with me.

“You don't understand, that man only came after Anthony because of me.” I needed them to know everything, so I let it all pour out. “I started gambling at MIT, first to show off, and then because it was easy money. I liked it. By the time I was nineteen, I was at a poker game a week, counting cards, and earning more than any of my classmates were at their regular jobs. That's where I got the money for the apartment. When I decided to stay here, I knew I could either look for a real job or keep playing. I didn't want to stop. The first game I went to, Stanley Maverick was there. I cleaned him out, and he was pissed. Then I did it again the other night. That's why Maverick took Anthony. To force me into playing for him.”

“We know,” Juliette said quietly.

I shook my head. “No, it's my fault. If I hadn't gone to those games, then none of this would've happened.”

“Kyndall.” Dalton's voice was gentle. “You screwed up, yes, but you never would have knowingly put Anthony into harm's way.”

“But–”

“No.” Juliette came over to me and took my hands. Her eyes were red, skin pale, but there was no animosity on her face. “You are not responsible for someone else's actions. That man could have let it go, but he chose to come after Anthony.”

“You don't under–”

“I do,” she interrupted. “I know exactly what it's like to have to distinguish between what I'm responsible for with unwise choices I've made, and taking the blame for what someone else chooses to do. I'm not saying what you were doing was smart, but it's not like you took Anthony with you to the game. I know it will take you a while before you're able to forgive yourself, but you need to know that Dalton and I don't blame you.”

She hugged me, and it wasn't a conciliatory sort of embrace. She meant what she was saying. I swallowed hard, unable to speak around the lump in my throat. It was one thing to hear family say that their love was unconditional, to hear someone talk about how they'd love you no matter what. It was something else entirely to have done something like this and see that love in action.

I knew that I didn't deserve it and that nothing I could do would ever make up for what happened, but I promised myself that I would do whatever it took to at least try.

“He's really okay?” I asked as Juliette released me.

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