Page 53 of Pucking Vamps

“Hayden, what’s wrong?”

He averts his gaze, tensing up even more when I reach out.

My stomach sinks, everything in me screaming to comfort him. To make it better, to give him anything he wants so he will look and smile at me again. “Please, tell me. Are you unwell?”

Did I overdo it last night? Pushed him more than I should have? Scared him? But his body and presence were in sync with mine, I could feel it. He wanted me, he craved me in that same intoxicating way.

Swallowing hard, he forces a smile. “I am fine. Just… I think I need a shower.”

Before I have time to insist that he tell me what’s bothering him, he’s scanned the access card I gave him and disappeared inside my house. I hear the thuds of his feet up the stairs, each one causing the sudden throbbing in my head to intensify.

I snarl at nothing in particular. Anger and fear suffocate me, goading me toward violence. It’s almost too much, the emotion too strong because it concerns Hayden. Because he’s displeased and disheartened with something and I have no idea how to fix it. What if it’s me? What if showing him how completely his I am via my body was too much? I haven’t even courted him officially… I haven’t made my intentions clear.

Frantic, I busy myself hanging the painting in the most prominent space in the hall. I’m done with it too quickly, the beautiful piece riling me up further. Hissing at nothing and everything again, I stalk into the kitchen. My head is all over the place, my body vibrating. Waiting for him to come down so we can talk is harder than dealing with the symptoms that come with not feeding on blood for too long. It’s like I have a rope around my neck, strangling me slowly. What if he leaves? What if he doesn’t accept me? I don’t think I can survive it.

Footsteps reach my ears. Stomach whirling, I dash out. I’ve cornered Hayden at the stairs a moment later, his captivating eyes glaring straight at me. They are alert, and still full of those bleak emotions that have no place here. His pulse pounds in his veins, too quick to be calm despite his deceptive outward appearance.

“Hey…” he trails off awkwardly, flinching away when I attempt to touch him. “Thanks for letting me crash. And you know, everything else. I’ll get out of your way now.” He brushes past me, his presence wailing, screaming, protesting. “Oh, and about the money… I, um… It feels weird to take it when I had so much fun. You were… really nice, Leander. So nice in fact that I—”

He sucks in a sharp breath, freezing in front of the painting I’d just put up. I stand next to him, close but not touching no matter how desperate I am to feel his heat and solidity.

“What is this?” he asks, his voice so desperate and hopeful, it breaks my heart and uplifts it at the same time.

I take in the portrait Master Kehler painted of Hayden smiling with a glass of wine in his hand. He didn’t drink it, he doesn’t really like wine, but he took a sip out of respect to my aunt who insisted he should at least try it. It’s a gorgeous piece, though only so because of the subject it depicts.

“Why is it here?” Hayden demands, his voice strained and shaky. “Why? You don’t even like portraits! You like landscapes! Why are you making this so fucking hard? It was supposed to be fun, a way for me to survive until I got back on my feet. No strings attached, just sex while we help each other out. Not this!” he roars, pointing at the painting. He spins on his heel, his eyes blazing when they meet mine. “Why?” He fists my shirt, yanking me forward. “Our arrangement had an expiration date! It was all fake. So why did you get a stupid horse? Or suddenly become a hockey fanatic? Why do you cook dinner for me when no one even knows about it? Why, Leander? Why are you doing all of this?”

He lets go of me, but doesn’t step away. His hands splay on my chest, the warring emotions in him seeping inside me through the contact. Fear. Yearning. Sadness. Hope. Heartbreak. Affection. Determination. Eyes not meeting mine, he presses his forehead into my shoulder, his sporadic breaths crashing into me.

“Why did you make it so easy to think there could be something real between us when our worlds are too different? What am I going to do now? I’m in love with you, for real, that wasn’t supposed to happen! But you made it impossible not to. Why? Why do this to me?”

It clicks, slots right into place, the last piece of the mystery. The distance he put between us, the strange looks, the overly busy schedule. Ah, how very silly a thing human doubt is. Circumstances, our environment, past experiences, people… they all shape us. Mold us into what we are with our strengths and flaws. Hayden’s hard life… I will erase all of it and give him a new one. One that he deserves, one where he can shine, one where he knows his place is at my side, right next to me as we rule over a piece of the world.

He’s not afraid to be mine, that was not what was clouding him. He was afraid to want it. To believe in it even if he could feel we belong together.

I cup his face and force him to look at me. “Because I love you, and have loved you from the moment you walked into that bar. Your presence called out to mine, Hayden. I know you felt it, too. I couldn’t stay away. Yes, it took me a while to realize why, but I know now. You are meant to be mine. You are my mate, and I am yours.”

His body sags, going putty in mine. He blinks slowly, processing my words. “Your mate… You mean, like, a soulmate or something?”

I press a kiss to his forehead. “Yes, like a soulmate. So, you can’t leave me.” I hum against his temple, letting my fangs out so he can feel their gentle scrape. “I won’t let you.”

Chapter 21

Hayden

Joy so profound floods my chest, I don’t know what to do with it. Goosebumps rise all over me, Leander’s reverent words ringing in my head.

You are my soulmate. You can’t leave me. I won’t let you.

I don’t believe in fate, I never have. But then again, I also didn’t believe vampires existed until recently. My mind tries to rationalize Leander’s declaration, to explain it in a way that makes sense, but my attempts are futile no matter how incredulous the concept of soulmates initially seems.

Because I feel it. The pull between us. I thought it was the sex, that he was getting to me through it, but it’s more than it. It’s him. He’s mine, my other half. The truth of it is etched all over my body, into every fiber reacting to him whenever he touches me.

“Fuuuck.” I wrap my arms around him and pull him close in an embrace that makes my flayed nerves sing. “You mean it. I thought…” I take a deep breath, trying to reel in my emotions. This. This feels so fucking right, to have him in my arms. “I thought this was doomed. That I had no chance with you. I didn’t think there was any point even confessing but… God, I feel like an idiot.”

“I understand, Hayden. Your worry, your insecurity, your wish to make a potential heartbreak as painless as you could. I should have, perhaps, brought this up earlier. I just… I didn’t fully believe it myself and I didn’t want to overwhelm you. I could sense your unrest and thought it might be best to show you with my actions how serious I was about you. So you would know there was nothing fake about our arrangement to me. And then once it was over”—he brings his mouth to my ear, nibbling gently on the tip—“I’d ask you to stay and be mine.”

I shiver, tendrils of desire taking my stomach hostage. “Is that what you are doing? Asking me to be yours? It sounded a lot more like a threat, if I’m being honest.”

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