Page 130 of Whistle

I sucked in a breath.

“I spent the next two days texting and calling. He didn’t answer. I even waited outside one of his classes, but he wasn’t there.” His head tilted back as if he were reliving the experience.

“I found out he died because it was on the news.”

I let out a sound, sliding my hand over his forearm in a lame effort to comfort him. I couldn’t imagine something so personal, so life-altering, being discovered in such an impersonal way.

“What happened?” I asked, mind whirling with a thousand and one scenarios.

“His parents came into town, took the body, and that was that.”

Wait. What? “They didn’t have a funeral?”

“It was private. Only family.”

“But you were dating,” I protested.

“His parents didn’t know. Barely anyone knew,” he whispered, torment wrought in his tone. “I did call, though. Once. I thought maybe since we went to high school together and we’d been friends for years, they’d let me say goodbye.”

“They said no?” I knew just by the look on his face. The dejected air around him. Knowing he was denied such a simple yet important request made me incredibly angry. So angry my ears grew hot and the back of my neck burned.

“They told me I wasn’t welcome and hung up on me.”

I made a sound, practically choking on my rage. Slapping my hand onto his bicep, I squeezed the muscle and leaned in. “You went anyway.” I hoped.

He barked out a strangled laugh. “I couldn’t exactly beat on the church door and demand to be let in because I was in love with their son.”

“But—” I started to protest, but his palm slapped the water, sending splashes all over us both.

“But nothing!” he roared, his bellow echoing around the empty space. “His parents didn’t know. He didn’t want them to know because they wouldn’t approve. It seemed honoring that was the very least I could do. Hell, maybe if we didn’t fight, he wouldn’t have stormed off and he’d still be alive.”

I gasped and spun to face him. “It’s not your fault.”

“Maybe it is,” he declared, completely resigned and unshakable. His eyes were neither green nor gold but a muddy brown, and the look in them dared me to challenge him.

I always did love a good dare. “You are not responsible for his death.” It didn’t even matter I didn’t have all the details because I knew that down to my bones.

“Maybe you should look in the mirror next time you say that.”

My lips parted, shock slackening my jaw. “W-what?”

“You think I don’t know you blame yourself for your sister’s death?”

My stomach swooped, nausea roiling inside me at hearing it spoken so plainly. Whatever expression he found on my face made him laugh. The kind of laugh that raised the hair on the back of my neck and made me feel translucent.

How does he know?

“That’s how you survived, right?” He went on. “Shoving most of the blame at Rush so you didn’t have to bear it alone. But that survival cost you a lot, didn’t it? Your friends, parents, college… hell, almost your freedom.” Every single truth he spewed rocked my core. “It’s also the reason you can barely put your big toe in the pool without a full-on panic attack.”

The shakes came on so fast and violently that my teeth cracked together and started to chatter. I grappled at the rope, the hard, unforgiving surface offering no empathy or support. My grip slipped, and I went under, waves closing over my head and sealing me in a watery grave.

I hung there suspended, the icy temperature spreading through me like a disease and assaulting me with images I couldn’t escape. Brynne laughing. Bleeding. Floating inertly while the pool absorbed what was left of her life.

My lungs shriveled and burned, body begging for oxygen, but I made no move to satisfy its plea. My parents wished it had been me instead of her, and honestly, so did I.

Something clutched beneath my arm, and I fought against it unsuccessfully. My head cleared the surface, and I gasped automatically, gulping in the air like it was my dying breath.

“Easy, sweetheart,” Emmett whispered, pulling me into his warm, wide chest. “I’ve got you.” He reassured me. “I’ve got you, and you’ve got this.”

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