“I don’t think anyone else would agree that I’m irreplaceable, baby.”
His grin was fast, knocking me back. “That you swim freestyle.”
Oh. Right. Fuck. How the hell was I supposed to think about anything when he went around cracking open my heart and filling it with sweetness?
Life has been sour for so very long.
Planting my hand on his ass, I pushed him over the side of the pool, and he plopped his feet into the water, swirling them around.
“Watch,” I instructed and then took off, falling into the freestyle stroke with ease.
I’d been swimming for so long that it was almost the default for my body, and I locked into form without even thinking. I cut through the waves and then flipped at the wall to swim back. When I made it to Bodhi, I popped my head up and smiled.
“Not bad for an old guy.”
“You little shit,” I swore, leaping out of the pool to tackle him flat on his back. Our feet and legs dangled over the edge as I pinned him down.
Bodhi’s laughter rang out, the sound stopping me in my tracks. Frozen, I stared down at him, chest tight.
“What?” he asked, suddenly spooked. He turned his cheek, looking to the doors as though he expected someone had walked in.
I grabbed his face, pulling it back around—a habit I was finding I did not want to break. “Don’t look at anyone but me.”
He rolled his eyes, but I made a rough sound, fingers digging into his chin. “You’re beautiful when you laugh.”
“Then you should make me laugh more.”
God, I wanted to.
“The last man I dated died.” I vomited the words all over him, taking away the very smile I so coveted.
Silence deafened the moment as I watched Bodhi’s face fill with caution.
I pushed off him, dropping back into the water like an anvil. Closing my eyes, I let darkness claim me, let the water absorb some of my pain. And then with a push, I resurfaced, feeling his stare before I even opened my eyes.
Swiping away the water, I focused on him sitting there at the edge, feet back in the pool. His soaked hair was tucked behind his ears.
“Tell me,” he said.
And for the first time in twenty years, I shared my secret heartbreak.
29
Bodhi
“I went here, to Westbrook.” He started, his voice quiet and resigned.
The way he confidently treaded water while he spoke made me wonder if he’d been doing it all his life. Staying afloat. Maintaining a status but never really getting anywhere. I also wondered if he was tired.
He shook his head as though he’d spoken wrong. “Actually, it started before Westbrook. Back in high school.” His voice faded away, but then he cleared his throat. “I, ah, haven’t talked about this… well, ever.”
I knew the look of a broken man. I understood that some pain cut so deep it felt like you might be severed in two. I also finally understood what he meant when he asked if I was sure I wanted all of him.
I did.
I wasn’t going to change my mind.
I slipped into the pool without hesitation, the cold uncomfortable and my mind screaming for me to go back, get the hell out. It was actually painful to deny, but the look on Em’s face was worse, so I ignored it to swim the distance between us.