Page 56 of Malevolent Secrets

I'm glad I didn't drive myself here, because I don't know how I would have managed to get myself home if I had driven.

I order an Uber and wait on the curb until the driver pulls around. The ride home is quiet except for the faint hum of some show on the radio.

At home, I sit on the couch and just stare ahead into nothing. How can I be pregnant? I guess, in retrospect, that’s a stupid question. Of course, I know that babies come from two people having sex and Lorenzo and I did that…without protection. Multiple times that night.

The taste of consequences is bitter on my tongue.

The pictures of Jeremy and I hanging all over my place haunt me. It’s like they are echoes of all the mistakes I've made these past few weeks. I go into my room, fold a cardboard box open and come back into the living room. Then I take them off the walls one by one.

By the time everything has been brought down and dropped into the box, I'm a sobbing mess, clutching my stomach and kneeling on the ground. The pain is almost too much for me.

I hear the doorbell, but I'm too paralyzed by my emotions to move at first. Finally, when the sound keeps ringing through my apartment, I get up and open the door. I feel listless, half-dead with emotional exhaustion.

“My God, what happened?” Renee runs over to me and squats beside me on the ground. I shake my head and just continue sobbing. She wraps her arms around me and pulls me into her.

“It’ll be okay, whatever it is, it’ll be okay.” She pats my back and I sink into the hug. She smells good, like cinnamon and good decisions, unlike mine. I finally calm down and we both sit on the floor.

“I’m pregnant.” My voice is small and raspy from all the crying I've done.

“Oh.” She looks sad for me, and I'm sure she has assumed that the child is Jeremy’s. She probably thinks that finding out made me sad about him all over again. If only.

“Three weeks pregnant.”

Her eyebrows scrunch and she looks down at my belly.

“Three weeks? But…oh. Oh.”

I can't even look at her because I'm afraid of the judgment I'll see in her eyes. But then I feel her hand take mine, giving it a gentle squeeze and when I open my eyes, there's nothing but kindness in her expression.

“It’s going to be okay.” There's a firmness in her eyes. A sort of hardness that I hadn't noticed before. For a split second, it feels like there's so much I don't know about her.

She helps me to my feet and guides me to the couch. The warmth of her hand in mine is a small comfort amidst the chaos of my thoughts. I sit down, and she grabs a tissue, handing it to me.

“Thank you,” I whisper, wiping my eyes and blowing my nose.

Renee sits beside me, her expression a mix of concern and determination. “We need to figure out what to do next. Have you told Lorenzo?”

I shake my head, fresh tears threatening to spill over. “No. I just found out. I don’t even know how to tell him.”

She nods, her face thoughtful. “We’ll figure it out. But first, you need to take care of yourself and the baby.”

Her words are a lifeline, grounding me in the reality of the situation. I nod, taking a deep breath. “You’re right. I need to see a doctor, start prenatal care.”

“I’ll go with you,” she says firmly. “You don’t have to do this alone.”

A wave of gratitude washes over me. “Thank you, Renee. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

She gives me a small, encouraging smile. “We’ll get through this together.”

As the initial shock begins to fade, a new resolve takes its place. I can’t afford to fall apart. I have a baby to think about now and I need to be strong for both of us.

***

I call in sick again the next day, and the day after that.

I know that it is irresponsible and probably puts my job at risk, but I can’t bring myself to care right now. I cannot imagine going to the club and seeing Lorenzo, looking at him and interacting with him, having to sleep with him, while his baby grows in my womb and he doesn’t know.

How do I tell him? Should I tell him? Does he need to know? How is he going to react? Will he press a gun to my head and ask me to get rid of it? Will he even believe me when I tell him that it is his?

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