Page 10 of Just the Three of Us

It's best if I just get it out, so I place the glass of wine on the table in front of me and brace myself.

"I want to talk about our relationship. About what we are doing, the three of us."

"Can we do it after dinner? I'm starved." John says.

"It's important, John."

That seems to get through to them, and they come and sit in the living room with me. Both beautiful, strong, capable men, and hopefully all mine. I take another sip of my wine for courage and set it down again on the table.

"What exactly is worrying you, Shannon?" John knows I'm a worrier and has had to help me figure things out in the past. Not every outcome of every worry or problem will manifest itself, and I know it's useless to worry, but that's how I am.

"I want to know where this is going. Our relationship, I mean."

"Well, we're having fun, aren't we? What's there to talk about?"

"You think this is just a game? Something temporary?"

"Isn't that all it can really be?"

I notice Sean tenses at that. That gives me hope that for him, there's more than just a game here—maybe feelings.

"What do you think, Sean?"

He seems uncomfortable but answers right away. "I think this can be anything we want it to be. But it looks like you have something specific in mind. Why don't you share with us what that is?"

"I… we." Now is not the time for me to get tongue-tied. I need to be brave. "I want us to be out in the open. To be able to go out with either both of you or one of you and be open about our affection for one another. I don't want this relationship to be some dirty little secret we must hide. I want more."

"Shannon," John gets up and sits on the arm of the chair, taking my hand in his. "For as long as we've been married, I've given you everything you've asked for, no questions asked. But I don't think I can give you this. It's not realistic, baby."

I have something stuck in my throat, but I manage to get out some words. "Do you feel the same way, Sean?"

"I'm going to follow both of your leads in this,” he responds. “I don't have as much to lose as the two of you."

"You're important in this relationship too, Sean. Don't you want a say in what happens with the three of us?" I ask.

"Okay, well, there are some consequences of going in public—the biggest one being the reputation of our company. A lot of people will not want to do business with us because they see a problem with our values and morality."

I tense at that, and John puts his arm around me. Values and morality. What a joke. I have a high sex drive, and it used to make me feel guilty because I thought there was something wrong with me, wanting sex all of the time, but I was able to squash that guilt with a lot of hard work and introspection. Now I want two men? Sometimes at the same time. Yeah, people will talk.

"What are some other consequences?"

"Our friendship and our hearts. What happens if you no longer want me or I meet someone special? What happens then? I think it's better to keep things like we are doing right now and take it one step at a time."

My heart almost stops beating for a moment. "Are you actively looking to meet someone?" I hope my jealousy is not showing through.

"No, of course not. But I'm not hard on the eyes. Women look at me." He winks, trying to make a joke out of it. But I know how gorgeous he is, how smart, talented, and generous not only with his wallet but with his time.

John stirs beside me. "Is that what you're worried about? That Sean will find someone else and leave us?"

"Well, I wasn't until now!" My head is about to explode, and I don't want to talk about this anymore. But my heart is in this relationship already, and the truth is I'd like some more assurances that we're all an item.

"Shannon, all we can do is take it slow and be painfully honest with one another about how the relationship, if we can call it that, is going. If, for example, I were to meet someone and I really liked her, I would tell you both about it before doing anything that would harm our friendship."

I grab my glass of wine and practically inhale it in one gulp. Then there's coughing, and for once, I feel like I'm alone, so I go up to my room and slam the door, locking it for good measure. Let's see how John likes sleeping alone tonight.

John

I hear my bedroom door slam, and there's a click, so I know I have to find somewhere to sleep tonight. I fixed myself a drink and came back to sit in the chair Shannon was using. I look at Sean, and I know he's been affected by this conversation.

---