Page 123 of Saved By My Buyers

“Sooo do you want me to set up an appointment for you at the OBGYN?” Jack asks, holding up his phone. “Bee likes the doctor she goes to.”

“Yeah, they’re really nice, too. Did you have any issues with the six month birth control shot they gave you?” she asks.

“None,” I say as I finish my loop and start to pass Ciara again. She’s so still it gives me chills, but then she looks up with a smile, making me inhale sharply.

I need to lay off the scary movies, I swear.

Bee and I have been watching a lot of them since Halloween.

Rolling down the window, she leans forward. “Ready to go home?”

“Yeah, I wanted to let you know I’m driving back,” I tell her.

“You didn’t hit anything,” Ciara says with a laugh. “I think you’ll be fine. I’ll follow you there.”

Waving with a nod, I roll up the window again, then begin the drive out of the cemetery.

“I can go to Bee’s doctor, as long as it won’t cause any issues with Gareth,” I say as I take a left hand turn.

“God, I can’t wait for him to be gone,” Jack grumbles, searching for another doctor. Calling, he makes an appointment for their next available one, which is next week.

“No sex until then,” I sigh. Jack snorts as he lays back in the chair.

“We have condoms in the apartment, Dolly,” he says. “I only use them when I’m ah, fucking Bee in the ass and I know I’ll want to switch.”

It’s only because I’ve been in therapy the last five months that I don’t shudder at the thought of anal sex. I don’t know if I’ll be able to get over it.

“Oh,” I say. “Well, then I guess that’s handy.”

“Are you okay?” Bee asks, leaning forward.

Focusing on driving works well for me when I’m having difficult conversations. I may need to do this more. God, my brain is so weird.

“Yeah, I mean, just because it’s a hard limit for me doesn’t mean we can’t talk about it,” I say. Taking a deep breath, I blow it out. “I think in some ways, I want to know what it would feel like if it wasn’t him… you know?”

My voice breaks, and I press my lips against each other as my hands start to shake. God, I hate the way these memories make me feel. It’s so complicated, since this is something that happened with Bee’s dad, even though she refuses to accept him as such anymore.

My eyes somehow remain dry as I drive, and I shake my head. I’m so tired of crying about the past, so I guess that’s good.

“Dolly, I can’t erase history, but I can rewrite your experience with a different one,” Jack says, his voice gruff and filled with emotion. “You’re in charge of your body, and how it remembers things. If you ever want to try anal, or take smaller steps, because I’m not small, you let me know.”

This man is just amazing. Blinking furiously, I nod rapidly. This is what starts the waterworks. Fuck.

“Hey, hey. I’ll take over, love. Pull over right there,” he says, pointing at a parking lot.

Nodding, I pull into it, and we switch places. Ciara follows, watching as Jack now pulls back into traffic. Looking behind us, I see she’s behind us again. She's quickly becoming a security blanket, which is probably a bad coping strategy.

“Being me is weird,” I mutter, turning forward. “I’ll be fine, and then hyperventilate. Bee, sometimes I wish there was a magic wand or something for this.”

“Me fucking too!” she exclaims, making me smile. Bee is such an incredible light in the world. “Look, we just have to do the work and get through it, babe. Even when it sucks.”

Ciara watches as we pull into the underground garage before continuing on, knowing that Jack will text her when we get up to the apartment. There’s so many moving parts to my life now.

“I don’t love it,” I tell Bee, wrinkling my nose. “Jack, I think at some point I may want to try, but maybe I can watch you with Bee? I think I’ve worked it up in my mind because of what happened before.”

“I’m always up for having you watch me fuck her,” Jack says mischievously, pulling into Bee’s spot. “Let’s go up and get warm, okay?”

Heading upstairs, I look around, marveling again that this is my life. I’ll be able to get warm, eat, and not have to worry about where I’ll be staying. No more roommates, no more drama with them. I think it may still be affected for a long time by my experience with Frankie.

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