Page 35 of The Devil and His Sparrow

Perseus’s suggestion just made the coiled ball of frustration grow inside me. Not only could I not be with Babette the way she’d want due to my being bound to Iyla now, but more than that, I just didn’t want to make a deal with her. I wanted to fix my issues my way. Music was my world. I wasn’t about to take some goddamn shortcut to deal with it.

Dante grabbed some blank music sheets and handed them to me. He jabbed his finger at them and ordered, “Forget what Perseus said. Getting back in your zone isn’t worth becoming a sex slave to that woman. Just write something, and don’t fucking burn it this time. Let us see it first. We’ll go from there. Okay?”

I stared at the empty page as they finally left, and I waited to feel the spark of excitement that used to fill me when faced with the chance to make something new, to litter a blank page with notes and lyrics. But that rush never came. I stayed as empty inside as the page in my hands.

Chapter 11

Iyla

“ASSHAT,” I MUTTERED, GRIPPING THE steering wheel tightly. “I know who I am.”

Liar, my inner voice whispered.

I ignored that voice. I did know who I was. Or rather, I knew who I wanted to be. I knew … who I couldn’t be.

The thought only served to spike my annoyance, because I didn’t want Zagan to be right. I didn’t want this stranger knowing how to read me so easily. He didn’t know me. He didn’t know anything.

Except how to use his body and yours.

My cheeks heated, and I squeezed my legs together. This was the longest drive home ever. I couldn’t stop thinking about the demon, his last words to me before I left, or the amazing sex we had. The silence in the car didn’t typically bother me since I was used to it, but the silence tonight only made my thoughts louder. I’d never been so happy to pull into my apartment parking lot as I was right then.

Until I saw the white BMW waiting next to where I always parked.

My stomach sank, and a fine layer of sweat immediately broke out on my neck. The pink sky gave way into night. I didn’t know how long my mom had been here, but I knew I was going to be interrogated about why I was out so late. I quickly looked at my reflection, praying I didn’t look like someone who’d just been thoroughly fucked and satiated.

As soon as I got out of my car, Mom got out of hers. I held my breath and rounded the front of my car, meeting Mom on the sidewalk.

“I thought you were at home studying,” she hissed immediately.

“I was,” I lied, hoisting my bag higher onto my shoulder. “I mean, I am. I just went to the campus library for a bit. A study group was meeting, so I thought I’d go and join. You know, bounce points around with other students and discuss the upcoming exam.”

Mom narrowed her eyes. “I see. How did it go? Was it helpful?”

I nodded, hoping my voice didn’t give away my nerves. “I think so, yes.” I glanced at her car then her. “What brings you here?”

“Not that it’s any of your business, but I was grabbing coffee with a colleague. When I drove by, I saw your car was gone, and when I tried tracking your phone, it didn’t pull anything up. So I decided to wait here.”

I was so glad I’d had the foresight to turn my phone off out of fear that she’d do exactly what she’d done—track it. I would’ve had no idea how to explain why I was at a random mansion in the middle of the woods.

“Oh, sorry,” I said. “My phone died, and I forgot my charger here.”

Mom huffed and rubbed her forehead. “You’re an adult now, Iyla. Please be more responsible, and keep your phone charged, especially if you’re leaving home.”

My mouth dried at the sound of her disappointment. It was a tone I’d gotten used to over the years, but that didn’t make hearing it now any easier. Part of me wanted to ask her if her demand was because she truly cared for my safety or if it was because she wanted access to me and what I was doing at all times—to see if she had more reasons to be disappointed in me.

“Yes, ma’am,” I said quietly. “I’m sorry.”

Her hazel eyes met mine, and for a moment, we just stared at each other. I wondered what she saw when she looked at me. Did she see a daughter who tried her hardest from her waking moment to her last, or a daughter that constantly failed her wishes? All I’d ever wanted was to be someone she was proud of, someone she could love. The more I chased her acceptance though, the more I wondered if I’d ever be good enough for Valerie Winters.

How much longer did I have to breathe for her? How much longer did I have to carry the weight of her demands? How much longer did I have to kill off pieces of myself to have her finally look at me and smile?

“I know midterms are coming up for you,” Mom started cautiously, like she already regretted saying whatever was about to come. “If you do well on them, I’ll take you out to celebrate.”

My heart lurched in my chest, and it took every ounce of strength inside of me not to squeal and bounce up and down right there on the spot. I had to be dreaming. “Really?”

She nodded and opened her phone. “I’ll add it to my schedule, so you better do well. You know how I hate for appointments to be canceled after I’ve made the time for them.”

I bit my lip to fight my smile. “Yes, ma’am. Thank you. I won’t let you down.”

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