I dropped her hands, shocked by that revelation. “That would be six months from now, at the earliest. Nine months since you must have gotten pregnant. You would have made me miss the whole pregnancy if Steve hadn’t drawn my attention to it?”
Her eyes finally met my own and I immediately wished they hadn’t. The soft, loving looks I was used to from my wife were replaced with pure hatred in that moment.
“Your actions are what would make you miss out – not me. We could have been happy. We could have done this together. You chose someone else instead. You chose your lies, your walls, your feelings , and your ex. You. You. You. The only choice you’ve made is for yourself.”
She could have run me over with a fucking tank and it wouldn’t have hurt as much as the truth did as she slapped me in the face with it.
“So, when you look back years from now, and wonder why I was the evil bitch who took it all from you, remember that you never once chose me. I had to choose myself. I chose my peace of mind. I chose a pregnancy without drama and other women involved. I chose to be less stressed and only be around people who really, truly love me.”
When I said nothing she continued. “You cause me stress, you take my peace, break my heart, wounded my soul, and you have well and truly proven that you do not love me. Why on Earth would I invite you to be a part of this? Why would I invite you to further ruin what is supposed to be a joyous occasion for me?”
I was speechless. My wife had broken and become someone who I no longer recognized and I wasn’t dumb enough not to see the truth. I caused it. Her change was because of my bullshit.
“After the baby is here, you will be informed. After the baby is born, we will discuss how to coparent moving forward. Know this, if Jia is in your life, in any capacity, my baby will not be.”
“You need to watch the press conference. You’ll…”
“I watched it. I don’t trust you, your words, your promises, or how you react to her. So, heed my warning because my lawyer is drawing up a no contact order. Right now, it is only for Jia. It won’t take much to add another name to it.”
“Caleb already sent a text. Thanks to my speech for the cameras, the D.A. is opening an investigation.”
“I thought you had to press charges for that to happen?” Her hurt tone said more than her words. She didn’t believe I was over Jia because I didn’t press charges myself.
“I used it as leverage instead.”
“For what?”
“To make her sign away her parental rights to Denmark, so you could officially adopt him. If you still want that.”
“Of course, I want that. Denny-boy is mine.” The ferocity in her statement made me proud to have her as my son’s mother. She really would do anything for him, despite them having no shared DNA.
“We’ll make it legal for you.”
“Let me guess,” she stated snidely, “in exchange for not divorcing you?”
I shook my head. “No. I won’t coerce you into taking me back and not divorcing me. I’d never use my son that way.” She scoffed, and for good reason, since he was the reason we had ever gotten together to begin with. At the time, it had been something I was doing for him, so it didn’t seem like such a bad thing.
“Okay, how about this bit of logic, if I coerced you into dropping the divorce, I’d never know if you were with me for the right reasons or if you resented having to be here.” I realized immediately that was the wrong thing to say.
Steph laughed but it wasn’t her usual bubbly sound. It was something far darker. “You mean you don’t want our relationship roles reversed?”
“Right,” I huffed, wishing that I had more time to think out what needed to be said to convince my wife without making her hate me more than she already did. “I don’t ever want to sit there and wonder and throw in your face that you don’t really love me over and over again.”
“You don’t,” she challenged.
“I do,” I argued.
“Then why was the first time you ever said it to me AFTER you got caught having an affair?”
That couldn’t be right. She wouldn’t have married a man who never declared his love for her. I sifted through my memories, looking for one to refute her claims but I came up empty. “I didn’t realize,” I muttered.
“It’s easy not to realize when you refrain from saying something you don’t mean.”
“No, Steph.”
“Ollie, can we just stop with the lies? A person who loves someone not only tells them without even thinking about it, but they don’t turn around and betray them either. If you loved me, you never would have been tempted by your vile ex.”
“We’ll have to agree to disagree. I won’t stall the divorce if that’s what you want, but I would like to be involved in your pregnancy. You already have a leg up on me in the bonding with the baby thing, since you’re carrying him or her. I’d like to be able to be involved too. You’re carrying our child. I don’t ever want them to feel unloved or unworthy of a parent the way Den has.”