Funny that this was the moment that forced me to admit that feeling to myself. I was so fucking lost in love with Becs. I always had been, from the very beginning, but more so now that we’d spent time really getting to know one another. Knowing that I had to go upstairs and end it all, for the sake of my child, felt like I was living through her death. At the very least, I was living through the death of our relationship.
After the front door closed, I picked myself up off the floor and trudged up the stairs with the weight of the fucking universe on my shoulders. I didn’t even know what to say, considering I’d just told Jordan I would respect her decision not to mention the baby just yet.
I hesitated outside the bedroom door for a minute. It was still cracked open, so unless Becs immediately fell back to sleep, she had at least heard the worst parts of that conversation. Jordan manufactured that argument to get loud during those moments on purpose, after all. She’d just admitted as much.
When I opened the door, the emptiness of the room hit me immediately. The complete and utter quiet, and the lack of clothing spelled one thing. She obviously hadn’t passed us on the steps to get to the front door. That left one option. I ran across the expanse of the open loft area to the back staircase I’d told her was there in case of emergency. It led straight down to the back door. The proof was there. The door had been left unlocked when she fled into the darkness of the far-too-early morning.
I wasn’t sure which part she overheard that sent her running, but it couldn’t have been the pregnancy announcement, since Jordan had whispered that much. Becs thought I’d built the house with Jordan, and maybe that was the thought I should leave her with, since I couldn’t tell her about the pregnancy. My life was not my own anymore and it felt absolutely fucking miserable to know the last thing the love of my life would remember about me was that I was the bastard who brought her to the home I’d supposedly built with another woman in mind.
I screamed, at the top of my fucking lungs. The noise was so loud my neighbors ended up calling the cops, who I had to deal with about twenty minutes later, while looking completely ravaged when they showed up to my door. When they asked what was wrong with me, I told them I’d just been given the news that the love of my life was gone. They thought I meant she’d died, and truthfully that was what it felt like. Only, it felt like I was the one who died and had found my new home in hell.
Go back to Chapter 13