Page 56 of Ghosted By Texas

Thankfully, I read in one of the online articles I stumbled across that irrational fears were normal during pregnancy. Hopefully, that was all they’d ever amount to. Still, there was room for worry considering my experience thus far with Austin and his unwavering allegiance toward Jordan.

What if she wanted to steal my baby because she can’t have one of her own? Maybe Austin would back that play. That didn’t sound right, but then again, I’d never expected him to ghost me a second time after begging for a second chance. If only time could be turned back, and he could make an enlightened decision where she was concerned. Then, maybe I’d get my happily ever after with my child’s father. I had a feeling I’d fall in love with his family too. I already loved Houston for having my back and treating my best friend as well as he did. Austin’s mother was well on her way to becoming one of my favorite people too. If only her son could have kept the number one position and not messed everything up.

I read through all the texts again to torture myself before starting my day. It had become something of a ritual. As per usual, I talked back to each text, but never responded to the man who sent them.

Dickhead Baby Daddy: I heard my mom went by to see you, and you let her in to talk. Thanks for that. She was glowing when she got back.

“I didn’t do it for you.” I stuck my tongue out at my phone just for a little more oomph and childish satisfaction. It seemed to work for the kids I taught.

Dickhead Baby Daddy: I wish you would have let me in when I stopped by yesterday. I miss your face, Becs. I miss a whole lot more but would give just about anything to see your smile again.

“Guess you should have thought about that before you ghosted me. It’s hard to see a ghost.”

Dickhead Baby Daddy: I saw Jordan today. I wanted to be up front with you about that, in case it got back to you. We’re not even speaking. She came in to get her final check from the bar. If it makes you feel any better, she looked like shit and wouldn’t stop apologizing.

“Ha! Like her apologies would ever be directed at me. She was trying to get you back in her good graces again.”

Dickhead Baby Daddy: Dallas saw what I texted you and told me I was a dumbass. I didn’t think you’d take that wrong. She was apologizing through me, to you. Said if she’d known you were pregnant, she would have never interfered.

“She’s a lying ass liar. I don’t believe a word of that, and still don’t think the apologies were for me. She’s still trying to play you because no doubt your sister has told her about how I still refuse to talk to you. Asshole!”

I’d met Victoria when I accidentally ran into Mrs. Mercer while out at the grocery store. It wasn’t one I normally went to, but their deli had advertised the ‘world’s best potato soup’ and I had to go try it out for myself. It wasn’t the best. That honor still belonged to the cool place Austin had taken us on our first official date back in February. I’d nearly cried in the store when I remembered that date and that had been when I’d run into Mrs. Mercer and Victoria.

When her mother introduced us, Victoria sneered at me and walked away. I could have sworn she called me a homewrecker under her breath as she went, but Mrs. Mercer’s apologies drowned her daughter out. Clearly, someone was still miffed on behalf of Jordan, even though Jordan was the giant cuntbag in the whole scenario. Or maybe Austin was, since it felt like he played Jordan and me all along. What would Jordan have to complain about, anyway? She had him leaps and bounds longer than I ever had.

Dickhead Baby Daddy: I woke up wondering how you were doing this morning. I wish you would let me know if there’s anything you need or even want.

“Yes, you to leave me the hell alone.” My stomach protested that thought, as it always did. What I wanted, I couldn’t have though. That would be for time to turn back and Austin to make better, wiser choices. Since that was impossible, I decided to go with another impossibility. If he was no longer in my life, eventually, I’d get over him. It didn’t escape my notice that this little game I played every morning wouldn’t exist if he was no longer fully in my life, but then again, maybe I wouldn’t need the game if that was the case.

Dickhead Baby Daddy: Has your heart ever ached so badly that you thought maybe you were going to die? Every morning, when I wake up and realize all over again just how badly I messed up, that’s what happens.

I never had a response to that one beyond my heart aching in the exact same way.

Dickhead Baby Daddy: If what I read on online is true, you should have a doctor appointment coming up soon. I’d really like to be there with you. I know you hate me right now, but eventually we’re going to have to be able to coparent, at a minimum. I think we should start practicing now. Please, let me be a part of the pregnancy, so I can get to know my son or daughter right along with you. I’m missing so much.

“You aren’t missing anything beyond me being sick sometimes, my boobs and butt growing, and my emotions being completely out of whack, Austin. If you hadn’t been an idiot, you would have been here for all that.” The tears always started up when I answered this one because I knew what he was asking was the right thing to do anyway. We did need to learn to work together and that couldn’t happen when I was ignoring him.

I didn’t have time to go through all the texts he’d sent over the last month, since I was going to be late for my doctor’s appointment if I did. Those texts were the highlight reel. The ones to keep me angry and help me move on and try to work my way up to speaking to the man again. It might have sounded counter-productive, but I needed the anger as a shield for when the asshole was around me. Not this appointment, but the one after, would probably involve another ultrasound. That was when I’d invite him along because he did deserve the chance to see his child in person at least once during my pregnancy.

That first time helped me bond with the baby in a whole new way because it made everything real. May was around the corner in a few days. Time was flying by, though I couldn’t put my finger on why when each day seemed to drag on from the moment I woke up until the time I finally got in bed. November would be here before we knew it and things needed to be better before the baby arrived.

I finished getting ready and grabbed my keys and purse before heading out and locking up behind myself. Clea wasn’t able to join me this time, since she had a bigwig client in who wanted her help with a grand opening like she had done for the Tippler’s Lounge. It was a big money client, so I couldn’t blame her for dipping out. Still, my nerves kicked up to the ten-thousand-mark at having to sit in the ice chamber of doom to wait on the doctor alone. If they hadn’t fixed that problem, I might have to look for a different doctor, which would suck.

When I got there, the stupid parking lot was blocked by a giant delivery truck, so I had to go circle the block, twice, looking for street level parking. When one finally opened up, a block away, I silently cursed every truck driver there ever was for making me late to my appointment, and also making me have to do a mad dash there because I had to pee so bad my eyeballs were practically swimming.

“Becs!” I groaned at the sound of his voice. This was just not my day. “Becs, wait, please!”

“Can’t. I’m late thanks to that stupid truck.”

“What truck?” Austin asked as he glanced around.

“The one blocking the parking lot I couldn’t access.” I kept walking toward my destination, determined to make it there before I peed my pants. To hell with being on time for anything else, except the potty.

“Where are you headed?” He asked, so I pointed ahead and when his eyes followed my finger to the sign for the OB/GYN, he grinned. “Can I come with you?”

“No. I was planning on inviting you next time,” I grinded out through my clenched teeth.

“Sure, you were,” he muttered. “Please, Becs! We’re already here, just let me come in with you.”

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