Page 47 of Wait For Me

“You know me.”

“No,” she refuted while shaking her head. “I really don’t. There was the person I thought you were, the one I noticed in quiet moments when you didn’t see me watching. There was the asshole who used women and threw them away like they were nothing more than a commodity. Now, there’s this man before me who wants to start his own restaurant business. I didn’t even realize that was a goal of yours before. The truth is, we don’t really know one another.”

My eyes stayed locked on hers as I thought about that. She wasn’t wrong, but at the same time, there was something more to knowing that I wanted Star to be mine. I did know her. “Here’s what I know, Star. When I threw away my chance with you all those years ago, you weren’t the same person. Back then, you represented the little girl from junior high with the crush on me when I was old enough to make it inappropriate. You were still just my best friend’s tag-along, little sister to me. You were quiet, which I thought translated into insecure and mousy. Even though you grew up in the club, I didn’t think it would make you a good fit as an old lady.” I shrugged my shoulders.

“What made you change your opinion?”

“Honestly? Looking back, it should have been your hard work and determination during the year where you saved for your road trip. Back then, my dumb ass just thought you were hiding out and avoiding real life.” I chuckled as she rolled her eyes. “Don’t roll your eyes. It’s what I thought because I was too stupid to see your actions for what they were.”

“When did that change exactly?” She prompted me.

“When I was tasked with following your ass after you left. Your first stop was in Destin, Florida. I watched you handle that fucking predator from a LEO MC like a pro.” I laughed at the memory of the then nineteen-year-old Star yelling that she was only fifteen. “You owned that situation and then you walked away from it completely unaffected to go eat by yourself in a restaurant. You looked so serene sitting there on that deck, your face glowing in the remnants of the setting sun, and…”

“And what?”

“I took your picture because you seemed so peaceful, so gorgeous, in that moment.”

“I was scared to death,” she admitted.

“No one could tell.”

“My heart hammered in my chest, and I thought that it would be the end of my road trip for a minute. The time it took for me to walk to the restaurant and be seated, I was wondering what to tell my family about my failure of a road trip. I even spent way too much on a hotel for the night because the plan was to go running back home after eating and getting some sleep,” she informed me.

“No way,” I hummed. She nodded her head.

“I felt like a failure when that man approached me. What would I have done if he had pushed the issue? If his friends had helped him out? All I could think was that there were worse MCs out there and worse people.”

“You didn’t go home though,” I reminded her.

“No. I sat there on that deck, and let the sun warm me. The salty ocean smell and that little sea breeze calmed the panic that had set in. It didn’t change my mind at all. I was still going to head home the next day. When I checked into the hotel and they handed me my own key, something clicked. I did that. I bought my own dinner, and it was peaceful sitting there by myself. I checked into that hotel on my own and as I sat in the room reflecting on the day, it dawned on me that I also saved myself from a crappy situation by using my brain. I went to sleep craving another day of being able to solve my own problems and take credit for everything I was doing in my life – good and bad.”

“That was the day that I first started hating myself for fucking things up with you,” I admitted to her.

“I’m glad you did.”

“Wow. Thanks a lot.”

“I needed my travels to show me who I could be on my own. If I had stayed here and married you back then, I would have ended up that mousy, insecure doormat of a woman. You would have cheated on me. I wouldn’t know what it was like to be loved ever, because nothing good could have come from our forced relationship. You would have always resented me, and I would have grown to resent you too.”

“I guess there’s no arguing that.”

“No, and that was part of the reason I needed to be away too. My family was okay with that being my life, and it was disappointing to realize that. Everyone thought I was just running away and being a brat, but there was no way I could stay in this town and grow the way I needed to when it felt like everyone made the wrong decisions for me because it didn’t feel like I was capable of making good ones for myself.”

“You were trying to prove everyone wrong.”

“No, Jared. I was trying to prove my worth to myself. No one else mattered in my decision at that point because they didn’t have faith in me to begin with.”

“Aw, Twinkles, that’s not true.”

“No, I know it wasn’t totally true. That’s another lesson I learned along the way. It’s easy to screw up, especially when you’re trying to protect someone else or yourself. And stop calling me that!”

“If you feel that way, why can’t you forgive Ash?”

She sighed deeply. “Truthfully? I had forgiven Ash. I don’t think we could ever have the same kind of relationship again that we had when we were younger, because I’d always worry in the back of my mind that one miscommunication could lead to another betrayal. She acts without thinking about the consequences for anyone else.”

“Maybe she’s grown up since then. You said we didn’t really know one another. You don’t think her life hasn’t changed her, especially since she became a mom?”

“It’s possible that our past clouded my judgment when I went to their house earlier, but Jared, I still got that sick feeling in my stomach just from being around her. You know that gut instinct? It just still feels like I can’t trust her with my secrets.”

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