Page 90 of Heart of The Night

Taking a deep breath, he shut his eyes, his jaw clenching so tightly I feared he might shatter. His whole body tensed. It didn’t look like he was breathing anymore. Then, his eyes snapped open, brimming with raw emotion.

‘Cara, I love you.’ The words came out like a plea, his voice breaking on the last syllable.

My face twisted, a sob tearing from my lips.

He loved me.

My emotions surged like a tidal wave, drowning my voice in its ferocity. This beautiful man was offering me his heart, laying it bare before me with all its vulnerabilities. A day ago, I would have accepted it with elation, pledging to cherish it. But now, after this crushing revelation… I couldn’t offer mine in return.

The realisation settled in my chest like a heavy stone. I loathed the thought of causing him more pain, hated seeing the anguish etched into every line of his face. But I didn’t know what I wanted. Until I figured it out, I owed it to him to be careful, to not give him any false hope. Love was not a trivial sentiment. It was a vow, a commitment. And unless I was ready to honour it, unless I was ready to bind myself to him completely, I couldn’t declare it.

When I had been silent for too long, he sobbed, the sound so heart-wrenchingly raw that it tore at my very soul.

‘Please, Cara,’ he begged. ‘Don’t leave me.’ His pain was a tangible thing, a knife twisting in my chest.

‘Just give me some time, Will,’ I choked out. ‘I need to process all this.’

‘I can’t lose you,’ he whimpered.

I wrapped my arms around myself, grimacing through the tears that coursed down my cheeks. ‘I don’t know what I want,’ I said feebly. ‘Please understand.’

William’s face crumpled, and he turned away, his silent sobs racking his body. The sight of him, so utterly crushed, tore me apart. I couldn’t bear it; I had to leave, had to sort out my thoughts.

I turned and opened the door, pausing to look back at him one last time. He was still turned away from me, his head bent as he held his hands to his face, a portrait of heartbreak and despair.

‘I’m sorry,’ I said, my voice quivering with pain and guilt and regret.

He shook his head, but he didn’t say anything.

I swallowed hard and stepped out, cutting off the sight of him, but not the faint sound of his anguish. It followed me into the living room, where I picked up my dress from the floor, slipping it on quickly. Then I grabbed my purse and headed straight to the hall, putting on my shoes.

As I walked out of the flat, my instinct to nurture and console him battled with my steps. A part of me wanted to turn back, to run to him and tell him I’d resolved to stay regardless of his paternity result. The urge to comfort him, to be his solace, was almost overwhelming. But the other part, the one that recognised the importance of my own needs, compelled me to keep going. I needed space to think, to decide what was best for me, even though leaving him behind felt like ripping my own heart in two.

The cool morning air hit me as I exited the building. I paused, my tears blurring the bright light. The image of William, broken and sobbing, haunted me.

I loved him, but I wasn’t sure it was enough.

21 | whatever you need

CARA

My hand shook as I unlocked the front door and dragged it open, the familiar smell of the flat doing little to soothe my frazzled nerves. The faint sound of the television drifted toward me, punctuated by the rapid-fire clicks of a video game controller. Jason was home. The glow of the screen cast flickering lights across the floor. I took off my shoes, the thud as they hit the ground grabbing Jason’s attention.

‘You’re back,’ he called. ‘How’d the date go? Did you manage to get through the door before he tried something?’

I walked to the doorway of the living room, my heart racing at the pain his question provoked. He sat with his profile to me, engrossed in the game. When I didn’t reply, he finally glanced at me. His whole body stiffened at the sight of my face, his eyebrows knitting.

‘Cara?’ he said, pausing the game and setting the controller aside. ‘What’s wrong?’

I took a deep breath, trying to steady myself, trying to find the strength to speak. ‘Did you know?’

Jason frowned, confusion etched across his face. ‘Know what?’

‘Did you know that William…’ I took another deep breath, my face contorting. ‘That he might be the father of Francesca’s baby?’ My voice broke on the last word, the enormity of the situation hitting me all over again.

Jason stared at me, the information taking a moment to register. Then his eyes widened in shock, his face turning ashen. ‘What? Are you serious?’

I nodded, tears welling up again. ‘She called him this morning. Said she’d be back in a week for the paternity test.’

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