Page 28 of Hush Money

I laugh at her stupefaction. “Of course we have a helicopter. Although I don’t know where the nearest landing site in Brooklyn would be. We can figure it out, though.”

She gapes at me. “That is the most wasteful and ridiculous suggestion I’ve ever heard in my life. Why are you acting as though I’ve announced plans to ride a tricycle through the nearest war zone?”

Well, she’s got me there.

I admit I may be overreacting, but I don’t like any part of this plan. Not the idea of her going on this emotional mission by herself when I’ve got meetings with Ravenna’s doctors tomorrow and can’t go with her. Certainly not the idea of her disappearing into the depths of our transit system. I know that millions of people successfully ride the trains every day, but I don’t give a fuck about them. I only care about her. And I don’t know how to navigate the trains. What I do know is how to entrust her to a driver who’s worked for me for years in a car that’s safe enough to withstand the local traffic.

The funniest thing about this whole situation is that I see myself thinking these thoughts. I know I’ve gone off the rails. But I don’t care. I live in a world where women can be there one moment and gone the next. It was a shock but not a hardship when Ravenna disappeared. It was a relief on some levels. I’ll admit that. And my mother’s sudden death when I was thirteen, of course. But if Tamsyn disappeared?

I’m positive I would not survive.

But she’s still staring at me as though I’ve started braying like a donkey. I don’t blame her. “Tamsyn…”

“You do understand that I’ve been taking the train by myself since way before you arrived on the scene a few weeks ago, right?”

“Yeah, but I don’t want you going by yourself.”

“Because…?”

It’s just late enough and I’m just tired enough and have had enough to drink to let my guard down. “I don’t want anything to happen to you. Why is that so hard to understand?”

“Lucien. What could happen?”

“Probably nothing,” I say, deciding that now is not the time to mention my biggest concerns. Namely that something will happen to her or she’ll escape into her old life in her old neighborhood and use it as the final reason to say goodbye to Ackerley and me. I know she has doubts about me, and God knows her life there had to be much simpler than this whole clusterfuck. I take a deep breath to slow myself down, but the words refuse to stay inside me. “But my mother died in the city.”

Now she looks stricken. “Oh my God. I had no idea.”

“I’m not getting into that now. Just understand that you’re precious to me. So I’m keeping you safe. No matter what.”

The words hang in the air. My heart pounds. Hard.

She softens, those big brown eyes luminous as she looks at me. “I’ll take precious. But I also want to be independent.”

“Trampling your independence is not my goal. But your day will be emotional. You need someone with you.” No, not someone. She needs me. With that, my decision is made. “I’ll come with you. I’ll just reschedule?—”

She quickly holds up a hand. “Lucien. It’s fine. I need some time to myself anyway.”

I stiffen. “Are you trying to escape? Is that what’s going on?”

The way she cringes makes me wonder if I’m onto something. “Am I free to go or not?”

“You think you’re a prisoner?”

“You’re kind of acting like it,” she says, scowling. “I’m trying to take a breather and pay my respects to my father on his birthday. I can handle it.”

But I don’t think that’s what’s going on here. “How many times have you accused me of putting up emotional brick walls? Seems like you’re the one pushing me away this time. Trying to be strong all by yourself. I’ve got big shoulders. Why don’t you lean on them?”

She hesitates, and I know I’ve got her.

Time for me to press my advantage. “It’ll be like I’m not there. I’ll stay out of your way.”

“As if,” she says, scoffing before staring at me long and hard. “Just so you know, I need time away sometimes. You don’t have to freak out about it. If I can keep it together when your wife comes back from the dead, you can be gracious about giving me breathing room.”

That gets me. What can I say? When she’s right, she’s right. Not that I plan to admit it. “I’m not freaking out. I just hope the GPS knows how to get to Bushwick from here.”

“Why can’t we just take the subway? It’ll be quicker anyway?”

“Not a chance,” I say darkly. “I don’t know anything about the subway, and I plan to maintain the illusion of a powerful man of the world for as long as possible.”

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