Page 90 of Kingdom of Crowns and Daggers

“Can someone like you truly love?” Orion snaps, his jealousy obvious, yet when I look at him, I realise he doesn’t see it that way. His emotions are even more tangled than mine are, and I am not about to help him work through them.

I snort instead, shaking my head. “I’m not even going to answer that question.” I shift my gaze to the king, ignoring Orion. “Ever since I met Alyx, I knew she was destined to hold a piece of my heart, and she has, even all these years later.”

I don’t expect any guards or interruptions, since my rats would warn me, but the longer we stand around here chatting, the greater the chances are of us being spotted. The fact that my rats let the king and Orion through makes me pause though. Why didn’t they warn me about them?

“How did the two of you meet?” Joha asks quietly. Unlike his guard, he does not seem to be as jealous, wearing an understanding expression on his face. He knows the feelings I have for Alyx because he has them too. It is impossible to deny them. How could he deny me loving her when he so clearly does as well?

I consider not answering his question, but perhaps they will understand my attachment to her if I explain it. It might finally get Orion off my back.

“Alyx’s story isn’t mine to tell, so you will have to ask her about the details, but after her family was killed, I found her hiding in the Uppers, her hiding place doing nothing to protect her from the rain.” My voice lowers both in volume and pitch as I remember that day so many years ago. “She was soaking wet, filthy, and shaking from the cold. I’m not sure exactly how old she was at the time, perhaps six or seven? She was a little thing.” I shake my head at the images that fill my mind. When I saw the state she was in, I made myself a promise that she would never have to look at anyone with such fear again. It makes me sick to think of what could have happened to her if I had not been there that day.

“She didn’t stand a chance on her own, but there was a spark in her that made me pause, an inner strength that shone back at me. When our eyes met, I knew she was mine.”

Silence settles over us as they absorb what I just told them. Joha looks troubled, but Orion is watching me with an expression that I have never seen on him before, as though he is reassessing me and realising that perhaps he judged me too harshly.

He hasn’t. He is exactly right to judge me by my crimes. I have committed atrocities, but for her, I will do anything.

“You saved her,” Orion finally remarks.

I nod slowly. We all know what happens to young women and girls who have nowhere to go. While she might have lasted a day or two on her own, there is no hiding the fact that she would have ended up dead without my intervention.

“I was a thief at the time and working for one of the gang leaders, but I wanted to give her safety so she would never have to be afraid ever again. I took her in and started teaching her the ropes, working my way up in the gang until I had enough followers to kill the boss and create my own. I created an empire for her, but she’s never seen it for what it is.”

Orion looks confused again as I mention my crimes and the deadly underworld that I run, attempting to weigh that against the fact that I saved the woman he has feelings for.

“Is today the anniversary of her parents’ deaths?” the king asks quietly, dragging my attention back to him.

It’s a sensible assumption given what we have been speaking about. I won’t give away her truths, though, because it is up to her if she wants to share.

“No, but she is mourning all the same,” I explain, giving away as little information as possible. I can see they want more, but they will have to wait. “Give her today and then ask her about it tomorrow.”

The king frowns in consideration, clearly struggling with the idea of leaving her when she’s grieving. However, he knows she wants space and that I won’t let anybody disturb her.

“You’ll watch her?” he asks, yet there is an edge to his voice that tells me this is no request—this is an order. “To make sure she’s safe?”

Thankfully for him, it is an order that I am happy to follow.

“Always.”

That single word holds so much meaning, the atmosphere heavy as they make their decision to leave her with me. The king is not used to being denied, but having seen his reactions tonight, I am reconsidering my opinion of him. He is not as entitled as I thought, giving Alyx what she needs even when it goes against what he wants.

Joha finally nods, accepting that he will learn nothing further tonight. He shares a look with Orion, and the two of them turn and begin walking to the main palace, skirting the buildings to give them cover. Just before they disappear from sight, I notice Orion throwing a narrow-eyed look at me over his shoulder. He doesn’t like me, that much is clear, yet he seems to trust me with Alyx’s safety.

Climbing back up the side of the building, I take my place between the chimney stacks, something settling inside me when I see Alyx in the same place. Releasing a deep breath, I watch over the girl who owns my soul as she grieves—like I always have and always will.

Chapter

Fifty

ALYX

Aknock on my door has me turning in surprise. I don’t usually have visitors before breakfast, so I have no idea who it could be this time of the morning. One of my maids goes to answer it, returning a moment later to tell me that it’s the king with a shy smile and sparkling eyes.

My stomach does a strange little flip, and I nod, gesturing for her to let him in. The rest of the royals will still be eating their morning meal in the hall, so I’m curious why Joha is here and not there. I’m dressed and requested breakfast in my own chambers this morning, still feeling a little delicate from yesterday.

My brother’s birthday is the one day I allow myself to remember my family and the life I should have had. While I do miss my parents, I cannot fully remember what they looked like, time making those memories fuzzy. My brother’s face, though, is vivid in my mind. He was my idol, protector, and best friend. I would give up everything I have, everything I have worked for if it meant I could have him back.

Pity and grief are emotions that have no place in the world I grew up in and would quickly get you killed—this is something all children in the Lowers learn early on—but no matter what I do and how I try to distract myself, my brother’s birthday always hits me hard. They say grief dulls over time, but they lie because his death still hangs over me like a ghost, haunting my every move.

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