Page 117 of Kingdom of Crowns and Daggers

I swallow hard, bile crawling up my throat from the pain. My chest is so tight, it feels like I cannot breathe around it, the restriction making me lightheaded. My limbs are weak as I stare into his beautiful face, knowing he will never be mine again.

I’m happy he learned the truth, and I’m happy he’s safe, but part of me is sad this is over because now that the truth is out, I have no reason to stay.

He holds out his hand to me, tilting his head as I hesitate. His eyes search mine for answers I cannot give him. I knew how this would end, I just never expected it to hurt so much, but that’s my fault, not his. I should have kept my distance and not gotten romantically involved.

Standing, I lay my hand in his and force a smile. “Let’s,” I murmur.

Hand in hand, we leave the ballroom—a king and his fake bride.

Once we near the palaces, and I slip my hand from his. “I am tired,” I tell him, trying not to let sorrow enter my voice. “It’s been a hard few days’ ride and now this . . .”

“Of course.” He blushes in embarrassment. “Go rest. I will have some food sent to you. Everything else can wait until tomorrow.”

I incline my head, acting like the perfect bride for the guards and nobles who followed us. Keeping my head high, I start to walk towards the queen’s palace before I hesitate and then backtrack. Uncaring about the eyes on us, I reach up and kiss him softly.

It’s a goodbye, our final kiss, although he does not know it yet.

Before he can question me, I turn and flee, unable to look at him because if I do, I might ask him to let me stay, but I can’t. I refuse to let the tears fall, even as they burn my eyes.

It’s over. Our deal is done, which means one thing.

It’s time for me to leave.

There is no point in delaying it. I will leave tonight. I’m all ready when my doors suddenly burst open, making me whirl. Joha kicks the doors shut on the shocked guards’ faces and stomps over to me, not stopping until we are almost pressed together.

As I stare into Joha’s eyes, grief fills me for what I am about to lose. He does not need me anymore. I have outlived my purpose, so this is over. I was hoping to leave quietly, but I should have known he would ruin my plans.

Joha is no fool, he must have sensed something was wrong, but there are some things not even a king can fix. I might be good at pretending, but he cannot make me a true lady like he needs, and I cannot ruin his future with the truth of what I am getting out of this and who I am.

I made my choice. I knew what I was doing when I agreed to this, but it’s so hard.

“Joha.” I trail off, unsure what I was going to say in the wake of the anger in his gaze.

He glances at my packed bags, his nostrils flaring for a moment. “No. You are not leaving. I knew something was wrong earlier.”

“My job here is done, Joha. It is time for me to go home. We both knew this would end eventually. You are a king, and I am an assassin. There is no future for us.” I wish my voice were stronger and full of conviction, yet I just sound exhausted from what happened.

“No.” That single word is a hard order. He looks around the room as if searching for more words, and I step closer, pressing my hands to his face. I memorise his handsome features, knowing this is the closest I will ever be to the king. He has a kingdom to run, and I have lives to claim, yet here, in this moment, I wish I could stay with him, but we are too different. He has a future, a destiny, a purpose—one I was never supposed to be a part of.

“We knew this was coming,” I murmur, and I cover his lips as he begins to protest. “I’ll admit I never expected to come to care for you.” I cannot bring myself to say love or I might lose my nerve and stay. “But it changes nothing. I don’t belong here, and staying will only hurt you in the long run. This was always the plan.”

“No,” he mumbles, shaking his head and tugging my hands away. “Stay, Alyx, please.”

I hate the plea in his voice. Turning away, I grab my bag, but when I look back, he drops to his knees, a place I have never seen Joha. His head is tilted back, and tears swim in his eyes. “I will beg you if I have to. Take my dignity, take anything you want, just stay with me.”

“I can’t,” I croak as I reach down and tug him to his feet. “Never kneel for anyone, not even me.”

I don’t deserve it.

Before I can chicken out, I hoist my bag higher and push past him, heading to the door and away from the man I love. My heart breaks with each step until the shattered pieces lie between us like a tether we can never break.

He calls out, stopping me at the door. “Revenge.” I hear his feet on the floor as he crosses it, not stopping until his warmth is pressed to my back. “I promised you revenge and answers in return. I intend to keep my promise, and to do that, you must stay here.”

We both know it’s an excuse, yet I turn around, my back pressed against the wood, a soft smirk tilting my lips. “I have to stay here to get my part of the deal?”

“Yes, unless you are going back on your word?” he counters desperately.

My lips twitch. “Never, you know an assassin’s word is law.” That is exactly why he’s using it against me. “Which you knew. Are you using this as an excuse to keep me close, my king?” I tease.

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