Page 119 of Some Like It Hot

“Well, that’s obvious, dear,” Heidi tells me. She looks at Blake. “I can’t believe that you haven’t told your parents about Elise. Everyone was so surprised when I told them.”

He stiffens. “Who all did you tell?"

"Well everyone. I’m so excited. Your mother is obviously very upset you haven’t told her. Why haven’t you?"

“We were going to wait to announce it.”

“Wait for what?” Heidi asks.

“After my retirement. When we had some of these details worked out.”

“Oh.” She doesn’t seem worried about ruining the secret. “Well now they’re all very excited. And I’ve decided that the cabin will be my wedding present to you. No need to go through all that silly paperwork.”

I look up at Blake. His eyes are narrowed. “What do you mean?"

“Well, you, of course, will have to take over the property taxes and all the maintenance and everything, but I’ll just give it to the two of you. I’ll bring all the official paperwork signed and delivered to the wedding.” She smiles at me. “I’ll put both of your names on it.”

“That would mean that you would expect us to get married before we move,” Blake says. “You want us to just throw a wedding together?”

“Oh, even better,” his grandmother says. “Let’s have the wedding at the cabin! You’re not a big crowd guy anyway. I imagine you’d want to have a small wedding. We’ll just have family and close friends. I’m sure all of them would be happy to make the trip to Minnesota. Then you can just move right into the cabin.”

Blake doesn’t say anything for a long moment. Then he takes in a deep breath through his nose. “Of course. Getting married right away makes sense. After all, me moving to Minnesota and Elise staying here wouldn’t work, would it?”

His grandmother beams. “Exactly. I’m sure you’ll want her to move with you when you go. And if you’re going to get married anyway, might as well do it sooner versus later.”

I feel like I’m watching a ping-pong game as I look from one to the other. I have no idea what to say here, and decide my silence is more helpful than anything.

But how are we going to do this? We can’t have all of our family and friends go all the way to Minnesota for a fake wedding. What are we going to do? Pay off the minister? Get a fake marriage license?

His grandmother reaches under the table and grabs her purse. “I’m going to be late for my nail appointment.” She stands and turns to me. “But thank you so much for getting together. Everything was delicious and it was delightful to meet you in person. We’re going to be seeing a lot of each other.” She leans over and gives me a kiss on the cheek, then does the same to Blake. “We’ll talk soon.”

Then she’s out the door, and getting into the town car that appears as if by magic at the curb.

I blow out of breath.

Then I hesitantly look up at my fake fiancé.

“Well…fuck,” are the first words out of his mouth.

“Yeah.. That’s kind of a curveball.”

He sits forward in his chair and rests his head in his hands. “Kind of? Fuck. She doesn’t believe us.”

I frown. “Is that what that was?”

He looks at me. “Yes. She knows there is no way that you are moving to the woods of Minnesota with me. She doesn’t believe our whole thing at all. That’s her way of calling me out. Because the woman won’t just say it. She has to make me sweat. And she told my parents. I can’t believe they haven’t called me. They must not believe it’s real either. Fuck, fuck, and fuck.”

I chew on my bottom lip, thinking.

He sighs and sits back. “I’m gonna have to come clean. I shouldn’t have lied to her in the first place.”

“But you really want the cabin,” I say.

“Yeah,” he says. “I really do.”

“Well then, there’s only one thing we can do.”

He looks at me. “Buy some land and build my own cabin?”

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