Page 46 of Temptation at Randy's

I kept an eye on her as well as the rest of the room. So far, no one was playing outside of mild role-play with some subs on their knees. I didn’t want to risk a heavier scene starting, though. There was no way she’d deal well with that.

Arlene took another sip of her drink. I’d gotten her a mocktail different from mine so that we could switch in case she didn’t like it. I was questioning that choice right about now. She’d mentioned she liked it, and she looked like she enjoyed the watermelon syrup, but…

I hesitated. I wasn’t one to doubt myself or second-guess like this. It was strange. Untethering, quite frankly. I wasn’t sure how I felt about it.

“I don’t know.” She sighed. “I swear it’s not… It’s really cool to be here, and watch people just being themselves, I guess. I just…”

“You just…?” I prompted when she didn’t finish the sentence.

“I…” Arlene looked up, her bottom lip trapped between her teeth. “I didn’t think today would be the day I realized I don’t know what being myself means yet.”

“Huh?” That was a leap I wasn’t expecting to hear. I sat up straighter. I pulled her closer, too, grabbing her drink from her hand and placing it alongside mine on the chrome table. I needed her full attention. “What makes you think that?”

From the moment I first saw her, I’d clocked that she wasn’t quite comfortable in her own skin. As I got to talk with her, though, I got the impression that it was more about the people around her than who she was or wasn’t.

“It’s stupid,” she protested.

“It doesn’t sound stupid.”

Sure, I could be projecting here, but I knew a thing or two about identity struggles. I knew about the ants crawling up my skin on a daily basis whenever I wasn’t true to myself, my style, my gender, and everything else.

If I could help someone not go through that, I would. My relationship to them didn’t matter. They could be the most annoying person in the entire world, and I’d still run to help.

“Doesn’t it?” She grimaced. Her fingers twiddled with the gauze in her dress. She really looked cute tonight. “It’s just… I’m here as a sub, I guess, but I don’t know that I know what that means, or… What it means for me, I mean. I know I don’t want pain, or rubber suits, or big paraphernalia, but… that’s all I’ve got.”

I nodded. “And it’s important for you to have… more.”

I didn’t want to influence her, or to put words in her mouth that weren’t there.

“Yeah.” She darted her gaze down. “It’s silly, I know, but…”

“I’m still processing, too, if it helps.” I knew it didn’t, but I didn’t know how else to begin what I wanted to say. “I don’t know what I want to turn this into. I mean, I know I like playing with you, but I don’t know what kind of Domm I am, either. You’re gonna have to suffer through me figuring it out.”

Something about what I’d said made her laugh. It hadn’t been the goal, but I supposed I’d take it. That was what people did, wasn’t it?

“You’re just so… cool with everything.”

“I can assure you, I am 100% not cool with everything.”

I wasn’t cool with most things, in fact. I got what she meant, though. Whereas Arlene was an open book, with her anxiety the first thing people noticed about her, I wasn’t. I kept my cards close to my chest, and I put on a smile, or a resting bitch face—depending on the occasion—without thinking twice about it.

It was the best way I’d found to protect myself over the years. I didn’t want Arlene to think I was goals, though. I really wasn’t, and she… I didn’t want her to think she had to dim her light, or whatever it was that had first drawn me to her. It just didn’t feel right.

Not everyone had to be a mess behind closed doors like I was.

“I just mean…” Arlene ran a hand through her hair. “I don’t know. I don’t cope well with uncertainty.”

“I can see that.” They weren’t just words, either. “How can we remove some of that uncertainty so you can enjoy your time here?”

Gosh.

I shivered. What was wrong with me, and why did I have to sound like my therapist? I bet she’d love that if I remembered to tell her.

“I…” Arlene opened and closed her mouth a few times before she seemed to find her words. I kept my face still, not giving anything away. I might be impatient most of the time, but I could wait people out when it was about conversations that mattered. “Can we go upstairs? Just you and me?”

There was no thinking involved when I nodded. No time lapse, either, or going through all possible responses and scenarios in my head. “Let me talk to the owner.”

“Oh?”

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