Page 94 of Beyond the Fame

He nervously adjusts his black-rimmed glasses and runs his fingers through the loose curls piled on top of his head, then down to the shaved sides. He scratches at his beard and tugs at the fabric of his shirt. He’s wearing a white short-sleeved button up with tiny black roses on it and black jeans with the bottoms rolled up to show off his black Chucks.

Why is he so freaking adorable?

Adorable and hot and I want to hold him in my arms.

But I don’t because he’s about to go into an entire monologue. He’s anxious about it too. He fidgets a lot when he’s nervous.

“You’ve been in my life for over four years now.”

He takes my hands in his.

“We spent nearly every day together on set for three months. Then I didn’t see you again until a year later at the premiere. Do you know how bad I wanted to walk over to you that night, to hold you, to kiss you?”

I swallow hard and shake my head.

“Then months pass without seeing you again until the Oscars. Both of us had dates, but neither of us paid them attention because we couldn't keep our eyes off each other.”

One of his hands trails up my arm, making the hair stand on end and goosebumps to form. He leans in slightly. His voice low and breathy.

“I let you go for another year before we were together again in that car and I finally got to kiss you, taste you. It ruined me. I didn’t want anyone else after that. I didn’t have anyone else after that—”

“That’s why you didn’t have sex this past year?”

“Yes. I knew no one else would be good enough. So, I waited.” He searches my eyes. “Is that… is that why you…”

“Yes.”

He smiles and continues. “It was better this way because a year ago, you weren’t ready. I wasn’t ready. We both had to overcome our insecurities. We both had to convince ourselves that we deserve love. And I love you, Rebecca—”

“You do?”

He smiles as big as his face will allow, his green eyes sparkling. “I think I started falling for you the day I found you crying in the bathroom. It broke my heart that you were hurting. I wanted to hold you and tell you everything was going to be okay. I wanted to take care of you. You were a stranger, but it was as if you were meant to come into my life. Because I was lost and no longer cared about things that used to bring me joy. But that day I cared. I’m sorry it took me so long to stop fearing that feeling.”

Jensen reaches up and wipes my wet cheeks. I started crying the moment he said he loved me.

I hiccup through my tears and melt into his touch. “I love you too, Jensen.”

He lets out a wavering breath.

“Good. Because there’s no fucking way I’m letting you go for another year. I don’t want to wait for our paths to cross again.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I quit. I broke my contract, and I won’t be going to Hungary to direct that movie.”

“What? Jensen, no. You can’t.”

“I already did it.”

He laughs at my reaction. I can’t imagine how shocked I must look.

“I’ve been pushing myself past my limits both physically and mentally by overworking myself. I’ve been taking jobs back-to-back to cope with my feelings about Mylan and now that I’ve finally worked through that, I’m ready for a break. Remember what you said to me the night of the wrap party? How one day I’ll keep pushing people away?”

I nod.

“Well, this is me no longer pushing. No more pushing people away. No more pushing away my feelings. No more pushing my body past its limits. I want to focus on smaller projects now. Indie movies. Cult horror films. Films that won’t take up a lot of my time because from here on out, you will always come before my job. You will never be my second choice.”

I suck in a breath. “What did you just say?”

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