Page 27 of Beyond the Fame

Fuck. She can see all that?

When I don’t immediately answer, she keeps talking. “Dang it. Here I am being an asshole again, asking you questions I have no business asking.”

I’ve noticed how strong her country twang gets when she’s flustered. And when she’s excited. Like last night, talking about her book. It’s so freaking sexy.

“You’re not an asshole, Rebecca. Well, not all the time, anyway.” I laugh when she gasps. “But yeah, I talk about Mylan with my therapist, but I’m not worried about him anymore. He’s four years sober. It’s the longest he’s ever been sober.”

“I think you’re lying. I think you’re still worried about him.”

“I’m not.”

She snorts.

“I’m not, seriously. I mean, yes, I will always be concerned that he could lose control again. This time, though, I think he’s got it. He has Lana, and he’s in a good place.”

“But?”

“Jesus, are you my therapist?”

She laughs and that might be the first time I’ve ever made her laugh. I like it.

“Tell me,” she urges, in such a supportive way, it has me wanting to tell her. She waits while I compile my words.

Words that my therapist wants to hear, but I always skate around.

“I had no one growing up. Sure, my parents gave me everything I ever wanted. I was never told no. They cared with their money, but I never had their love or their time. I met Mylan when I was seventeen. He was just as in need of filling that hole of parental abandonment as I was. So, we became friends. We stuck together, had each other’s backs, supported and loved one another like we were family. We are a family.”

I never told Mylan about what I went through at home with my parents. He had his own family issues to deal with.

“He was the one who told me to pursue directing. I’d always have my camera out filming on set. Don’t get me wrong, I loved acting, but no matter how great I was on the screen, all anyone ever saw was my weight. I couldn’t change the way people saw me, but with directing, I could create art the way I wanted. To be behind the lens meant I had the control. It was liberating.

“Mylan was always there for me, no matter what. He saw me and not my fatness. Then when he lost control… I left him and...”

My throat stings with an emotion I keep caged. I release my hold on Rebecca’s hand and rub my palm over my face.

“I need to get out of the water.” I stand up, surprising Rebecca enough that she stands too. Talking about this has me flustered and my brain hurts. I want to run away and hide, ignoring everything I'm feeling right now.

“Jensen,” Rebecca says.

“I don’t want to sunburn.”

“I’m here to listen if—”

“It’s getting late. We should probably get ready for the rehearsal dinner.”

I leave Rebecca in the water, grab my clothes from the lounger, and practically run back to the room.

Chapter 7 – Jensen

4 Years Ago

I’m sitting on the couch at my Silver Lake home, re-watching Jurassic Park for the millionth time—Spielberg is one of my favorite directors—when my phone vibrates with a text.

Mylan: I’m sorry, Jenny. I love you

I frown at the nickname. Mylan overheard my mom calling me Jenny once. The next day on set, he blurted it out to get my attention. I got so pissed. He asked why I hated the name so much and I couldn’t tell him how it brings up all my horrible childhood memories. Mylan has been through too much in his life to worry about mine too.

I re-read his message and my heart skips. I hadn’t heard from him in several weeks after I left him at a club in New York City. He’d just been fired from a Ron Howard science fiction flick. He dragged me out with him to cope with booze. Our friend Rey met us there, but he couldn’t stay long. Eloise was back at the hotel, helping the publicists deal with the aftermath of the firing, so it was just me and Bruno taking care of him. We didn’t know he had coke and was snorting it all night. He was so out of his mind; he started singing and dancing on furniture.

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