Page 23 of Beyond the Fame

I never drink this much.

Why did I drink this much?

Maybe it was Rebecca talking about her book and how excited she sounded, how that excitement dissolved to anger when I asked her about love, how she erected that mask of loneliness I know all too well—I drank to numb it all.

I could never understand why Mylan lost himself to his addiction all those years. But last night, this morning, I get it. I understand now how easy it was for him to escape.

My phone beeps with a text notification.

Mylan: Breakfast?

Mylan: My treat

I roll my eyes at his dumb joke. The resort is all-inclusive. Breakfast is free. Still, I huff a laugh and smile.

Mylan: ???

Mylan: Are you still asleep?

Mylan: Damn, how late did you stay last night?

Mylan: Okay, fine. No breakfast

Mylan: Lunch?

Mylan: Dude, it’s almost 2

Mylan: Are you alive? I’m about to come check on you

My stomach dips while reading the text he just sent. Two in the afternoon? I slept for sixteen hours?

Me: I’m awake. Guess I needed to catch up on sleep

It’s not entirely wrong. It seems I’ve been needing to catch up on sleep for the past five years.

Mylan doesn’t answer immediately, so I head into the bathroom to shower the previous night away. I change out my contacts for a new pair of dailies, then strip my pajamas. My cock jerks remembering Rebecca checking me out. At least, I think she did. Unless my drunk self imagined it.

Next, I remove the bandages on my palm and knee. Thankfully, the scrapes weren’t deep and they’re barely visible today.

Rebecca was so focused as she took care of me last night. Fuck, it felt good. Then I had to ruin it. I vaguely remember the conversation, but I’m pretty sure I asked her to kiss me. No, not ask... demanded.

It’s strange how I'm not embarrassed. How I’m not shutting down my emotions to protect them from inevitable harm. I think it’s because she didn’t hesitate to care for me. She wanted to help me.

Because Rebecca is a good person. Too good for me. She’s seen me at my worst far too many times, and yet, she never runs away.

After my thirty-minute-long shower, I dress in a white shirt with green and yellow palm leaves on it and forest green swim trunks. I still have a few hours to kill before wedding activities, so I have every intention of walking down to the beach, jumping into the ocean, and floating on my back until my skin prunes and sunburns. It's something I used to do when my nanny took me to Santa Monica when I was a kid. She was always the one taking me to the pier because my parents were too busy to be a part of my life.

I check my phone again and see a whole new round of texts.

Mylan: You haven’t been sleeping? Everything okay? Want to talk about it?

Mylan: ???

Mylan: You didn’t fall back asleep, did you?

Mylan: I guess you’re showering or something. Don’t forget, wedding rehearsal is at 7, followed by dinner, then the bachelor party. Ginger said don’t be late or you’re out of the wedding

Mylan: Also, loving the new look. The beard is badass. And I always told you to show off those tats. Women love them. It’s sexy #showmeyourtats #justsaynotoflannel #lumberjacknomore #dresstoimpress

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